I have never been one to set new years resolutions. I don’t know why, but for some reason it seems too cliché to do. But then again, I have never been good at goal setting. I just plan and do things. If I do set a goal, I don’t beat myself up if I don’t do it (I am hard on myself about enough things already, so I guess I let something slide by!) But this year is going to be different. I want to set goals and accomplish them, even with two little boys under foot. So, for 2009, I am going to set nine goals.
1. The first, of course, must be the most important. I am setting a goal to set and accomplish goals. I will accomplish the goals that I make here, and you all will be my witnesses to whom I will be accountable!
2. I want to be more productive with my down time, which is when the boys are in bed. Usually by the end of the day I am exhausted…those boys run me ragged all day! So, I don’t accomplish as much as I would like. Anyway, I know that this is more of a qualitative goal, which is hard to measure. So, to make it more quantitative, I will clean or create one thing each night.
3. Each weekend, I want to sit down with my planner and plan the week ahead. I will write down meals for each day so I know what I need to prepare for (a lot of times when I am planning a crock pot meal, I don’t remember until it is too late!) I will also make a list of everything that needs to be done that week so I can check them off when I get chances to do one.
4. Both of our boys need to be weaned from pacifiers. Jordan still sleeps with his, so we need to take it away in January. And, we want to take Evan’s away this month too, except for sleeping. Wish us luck on this one!
5. Jordan will be potty trained. Oh, how I am scared about this one! I don’t even know where to begin. But it will be done…soon!
6. I will consistently read my scriptures every day.
7. I will read at least one book a month. I am excited to do this because I have really enjoyed reading lately. I am starting with the Chronicles of Narnia series!
8. I want to blog more often. I really want to be able to write down my feelings about life here on this blog… and hey, it is easier than writing in a journal!
9. I want to read at least two books to the boys every day. I do read to them, but not as consistently as I would like. So, I will do better!
Well, there they are. You are my witnesses now. I know that changes don’t happen over night, but these are my goals for 2009. Happy New Year everyone!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Home sweet Home
On Sunday I left home to come home. We went to Utah for Thanksgiving with my family and had a wonderful time. Not only is Utah home because my family is there, but because I absolutely adore Utah. I love so many things about it. I cannot wait for the day when we can settle there and be home when we are at home.
I love the feeling I get when I am in Utah. I feel like I belong, like I fit in, like I am safe, and I feel extremely happy. I love the mountains, the seasons, the people, the memories, the canyons, all the activities to do, the zoo, Salt Lake City, Utah county, the country, being at the center of the Church and so much more. And I love being surrounded by so many LDS people. I know there are people who think that is awful, but I just don't understand it. It is wonderful to be around so many people that share your beliefs and values and way of life. I didn't grow up in Utah and I had many great friends and experiences, but I want to raise my family in Utah. I know it isn't perfect, but it is great, and it is home.
I love the feeling I get when I am in Utah. I feel like I belong, like I fit in, like I am safe, and I feel extremely happy. I love the mountains, the seasons, the people, the memories, the canyons, all the activities to do, the zoo, Salt Lake City, Utah county, the country, being at the center of the Church and so much more. And I love being surrounded by so many LDS people. I know there are people who think that is awful, but I just don't understand it. It is wonderful to be around so many people that share your beliefs and values and way of life. I didn't grow up in Utah and I had many great friends and experiences, but I want to raise my family in Utah. I know it isn't perfect, but it is great, and it is home.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Mother
I am reading a book right now called An Old-Fashioned Girl by Louisa May Alcott. I came upon this quote and really wanted to write it somewhere to have. The main character is comparing her mother, whom she talks about here, with another mother who pushed her daughter away from a hug so her (the mother's) dress wouldn't get dirty:
"She thought of another woman, whose dress never was too fine for little wet cheeks to lie against, or loving little arms to press; whose face, in spite of many lines and the gray hairs above it, was never sour or unsympathetic when children's eyes turned towards it; and whose hands never were too busy, too full or too nice to welcome and serve the little sons and daughters who freely brought their small hopes and fears, sins and sorrows, to her, who dealt out justice and mercy with such wise love."
I hope I can be this kind of mother. I guess it is okay that I don't even bother trying to do much with my hair because whenever I hold my Jordan he loves running his fingers through my hair. Come to think of it, I wouldn't want to miss out on that either. I love it when he does that! At night during our "Mama, Jordan time" when I lay down with him and ask him how his day was, he runs his fingers through my hair again as we talk or goof off. He has started giving me lots of kisses on my cheek now too. Anything is worth sacrificing for those little moments.
"She thought of another woman, whose dress never was too fine for little wet cheeks to lie against, or loving little arms to press; whose face, in spite of many lines and the gray hairs above it, was never sour or unsympathetic when children's eyes turned towards it; and whose hands never were too busy, too full or too nice to welcome and serve the little sons and daughters who freely brought their small hopes and fears, sins and sorrows, to her, who dealt out justice and mercy with such wise love."
I hope I can be this kind of mother. I guess it is okay that I don't even bother trying to do much with my hair because whenever I hold my Jordan he loves running his fingers through my hair. Come to think of it, I wouldn't want to miss out on that either. I love it when he does that! At night during our "Mama, Jordan time" when I lay down with him and ask him how his day was, he runs his fingers through my hair again as we talk or goof off. He has started giving me lots of kisses on my cheek now too. Anything is worth sacrificing for those little moments.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
More of me
So, I had to start another blog. I know, I am excessive, but I really need a place to get my opinions out so I can move on. I think it will help! :) I am still going to keep this blog up as my happy space. I want to share my ideas about the things in which I find joy in life. So if you are interested in reading my opinions and sharing your own, here it is:
http://themindofericajane.blogspot.com/
Thanks!
http://themindofericajane.blogspot.com/
Thanks!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
On Agency
I recently read a blog that I found about agency by a member of the Church. I really feel strongly about writing about this topic as it relates to politics. I know, I was going to be done with politics, especially writing about things that some may disagree with. But I need to do this. And hopefully this will be it. I have been too riled up this past week!
I have noticed that many members of the Church believe that laws should not be passed that will "take away" a person's agency. This is brought up again because of the passage of Proposition 8 in a few states, banning gay marriage. Those people in the Church who are against 8's passage believe that people should be left to exercise their agency, even though we find homosexuality morally wrong. So, I want to say a few things about that.
First, the Church, along with other faiths and organizations, lobbied for its passage. If we are not supposed to enact laws about moral issues then why did the the Church join forces to work for the proposition's passage? It is because we have a duty as members of the Church to stand up for that which we believe to be morally right. We do not sit idly by and watch the world travel a path to immorality and call it agency. That is never how it is has been and not how it will ever be. Our Church leaders felt like it was important enough for the Church to get involved in.
Second, no one's agency has been taken away by the passage of this. Even if something is illegal, every person still has agency to follow the law or break it. Agency is and can never be taken away from us. It is our gift in this life. People are still free to be homosexual, to live together, to have relationships, etc. They still have their agency.
Third, if we start splitting hairs like this, then there are many other moral issues and laws that we would have to examine. What about a person's agency to do drugs or be a prostitute. What about abortion? Morality has always been a part of law making. We believe as a society that it is wrong to do drugs. So it is illegal. We believe that prostitution is immoral. It is illegal. If those people who believe that everyone should have agency in all things, then these too should be legal. But, that is how it is. I know that there has always been a faction of society that says that morality should never be legislated, but what would that leave us as a society? Soon you would be left with nothing to legislate and society full of wickedness.
Fourth, if people are so upset about the right for people to marry whom they want, then why is it okay to outlaw polygamy (I don't mean the marrying 13-year-olds off kind...)? I'm not saying it should be legal at all, I'm just saying that if people feel so strongly about protecting everyone's right to marry how they want, then that would mean that those same people should support polygamists' rights as well.
Being members of the Church, we are blessed with the knowledge that our Church leaders are called of God and inspired with what we as a Church and society need. It is our duty as members to pray about their guidance and know for ourselves that they are indeed inspired. I am glad that we are led by those whose ways are not mingled with the wisdom of man when it comes to morality and agency. We aren't left to figure out what is right and wrong based on the shifting tides of popular thought in the world. We have a fixed mark to look to and that is very much a blessing.
I have noticed that many members of the Church believe that laws should not be passed that will "take away" a person's agency. This is brought up again because of the passage of Proposition 8 in a few states, banning gay marriage. Those people in the Church who are against 8's passage believe that people should be left to exercise their agency, even though we find homosexuality morally wrong. So, I want to say a few things about that.
First, the Church, along with other faiths and organizations, lobbied for its passage. If we are not supposed to enact laws about moral issues then why did the the Church join forces to work for the proposition's passage? It is because we have a duty as members of the Church to stand up for that which we believe to be morally right. We do not sit idly by and watch the world travel a path to immorality and call it agency. That is never how it is has been and not how it will ever be. Our Church leaders felt like it was important enough for the Church to get involved in.
Second, no one's agency has been taken away by the passage of this. Even if something is illegal, every person still has agency to follow the law or break it. Agency is and can never be taken away from us. It is our gift in this life. People are still free to be homosexual, to live together, to have relationships, etc. They still have their agency.
Third, if we start splitting hairs like this, then there are many other moral issues and laws that we would have to examine. What about a person's agency to do drugs or be a prostitute. What about abortion? Morality has always been a part of law making. We believe as a society that it is wrong to do drugs. So it is illegal. We believe that prostitution is immoral. It is illegal. If those people who believe that everyone should have agency in all things, then these too should be legal. But, that is how it is. I know that there has always been a faction of society that says that morality should never be legislated, but what would that leave us as a society? Soon you would be left with nothing to legislate and society full of wickedness.
Fourth, if people are so upset about the right for people to marry whom they want, then why is it okay to outlaw polygamy (I don't mean the marrying 13-year-olds off kind...)? I'm not saying it should be legal at all, I'm just saying that if people feel so strongly about protecting everyone's right to marry how they want, then that would mean that those same people should support polygamists' rights as well.
Being members of the Church, we are blessed with the knowledge that our Church leaders are called of God and inspired with what we as a Church and society need. It is our duty as members to pray about their guidance and know for ourselves that they are indeed inspired. I am glad that we are led by those whose ways are not mingled with the wisdom of man when it comes to morality and agency. We aren't left to figure out what is right and wrong based on the shifting tides of popular thought in the world. We have a fixed mark to look to and that is very much a blessing.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Security
We have been really struggling with Evan for the past week or so. He is going through, what I hope is just severe separation anxiety. I hold him all day and he isn't sleeping well at night or for naps (except for when I hold him for an hour and half while he sleeps.) I really do believe in letting them cry it out until they learn to fall asleep on their own, but after two hours, it is impossible - he pulls himself up in his crib and just stands there crying the whole time! Anyway, it has really been getting to me. Setting aside the fact that it is nearly impossible to get anything done, go anywhere, or have a break, it is physically exhausting...he isn't a little baby! I went to a store today to try to find some jeans that fit me and he just screamed the entire time I was trying some on. I was so close to just having a break down because this is how all my days are - completely and totally wrapped up in just the boys. I honestly can't even take care of my house because one or both of them is constantly asking or screaming for my attention.
Tonight we put Evan down for bed like we do every night - a bath, feeding, book and song. And of course he just screamed. After a little over two hours something just changed in me. All of the sudden I could feel what he was feeling. I could sense the need to be held tight and securely, to feel safe and comforted. He just wanted to feel secure. I went into his room, picked him up and we sat together, me holding him tight against me while he faded off to sleep comfortable and happy. I felt comfortable and happy too.
I feel like so many things in parenting is finding the narrow line between ideas and making it work. I know that we are supposed to teach our kids as young as babies to be independent. And I want my kids to be confident in themselves and to definitely have some sense of independence. I also want them to fall asleep, on their own and sleep through the night! But, I also, more than almost anything else I can do for them, want them to know that they are everything to me. I want them to know that if they need me, I will ALWAYS do whatever I can for them. I want them to be secure in me, that I love them, and that they can trust me to be there for them when they need me. So what wins? Do I force Evan to learn independence by pushing him away from me? Or do I show him that I am his constant and security by being there for him through this phase? Or is there a middle ground?
I have a few ideas that I am going to try. I am going to introduce a security object to him that I will hold with us so that he associates it with me and being comforted. We'll see if he will settle for it as a substitute for...or representation of...me. I might try moving his crib into Jordan's room to see it he just needs to not be alone right now. Tonight Jordan was laughing to Evan through their bedroom walls for a while trying to cheer him up. Evan would actually stop crying when he heard Jordan. It was really sweet. So, we'll see. I hope, though, that he will always know that he is so important to me that if he needs me to hold him all day sometimes, I will do that for him. But, I hope that he becomes comfortable enough to explore his world and enjoy it. And, above all, I hope that I will have the patience, wisdom, and physical strength to figure it out with him.
So, here's to an new outlook to *hopefully* have a more patient day tomorrow!
Tonight we put Evan down for bed like we do every night - a bath, feeding, book and song. And of course he just screamed. After a little over two hours something just changed in me. All of the sudden I could feel what he was feeling. I could sense the need to be held tight and securely, to feel safe and comforted. He just wanted to feel secure. I went into his room, picked him up and we sat together, me holding him tight against me while he faded off to sleep comfortable and happy. I felt comfortable and happy too.
I feel like so many things in parenting is finding the narrow line between ideas and making it work. I know that we are supposed to teach our kids as young as babies to be independent. And I want my kids to be confident in themselves and to definitely have some sense of independence. I also want them to fall asleep, on their own and sleep through the night! But, I also, more than almost anything else I can do for them, want them to know that they are everything to me. I want them to know that if they need me, I will ALWAYS do whatever I can for them. I want them to be secure in me, that I love them, and that they can trust me to be there for them when they need me. So what wins? Do I force Evan to learn independence by pushing him away from me? Or do I show him that I am his constant and security by being there for him through this phase? Or is there a middle ground?
I have a few ideas that I am going to try. I am going to introduce a security object to him that I will hold with us so that he associates it with me and being comforted. We'll see if he will settle for it as a substitute for...or representation of...me. I might try moving his crib into Jordan's room to see it he just needs to not be alone right now. Tonight Jordan was laughing to Evan through their bedroom walls for a while trying to cheer him up. Evan would actually stop crying when he heard Jordan. It was really sweet. So, we'll see. I hope, though, that he will always know that he is so important to me that if he needs me to hold him all day sometimes, I will do that for him. But, I hope that he becomes comfortable enough to explore his world and enjoy it. And, above all, I hope that I will have the patience, wisdom, and physical strength to figure it out with him.
So, here's to an new outlook to *hopefully* have a more patient day tomorrow!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Hypocrisy
So, we all saw this coming, right? I have to rant. So brace yourself, here it comes.
There are so many things that I see wrong with what happened with the election today. First I have to start by explaining the way I vote. I ask that though some of you may strongly disagree with me, please still be my friend. I say that because for some reason people have such a strong reaction to this, even though something worse happened tonight...hypocrisy that we will get to later on. I am a party voter. This doesn't mean that I don't still pay attention to the people running, but 99% of the time I will vote Republican after I make sure that they will represent those conservative beliefs I have. I may not agree with everything that a Republican candidate stands for, but I will agree with a whole lot more with that candidate than a Democrat. Also, whatever party the elected official represents gains more power overall, which will further a cause that I will not agree with if it is a Democrat. A candidate may be a more "moderate" Democrat, but the more liberal ones will gain power from that "moderate" candidate. Anyway, that is why I vote the way I do. Don't hate me...
I was watching Fox News when they were talking about Obama winning. They were postulating about what Obama will do, stand for, push for, etc as President. They were almost joking about how no one really knows what Obama stands for "but we like him anyway." Are you kidding me?!? You are okay with electing a President that no one knows how he will govern? Wow. And that is better than voting for a party with good, strong values. Wow.
Next, I have another bone to pick. The media. Why are they so liberal? They elected Obama. They really never said anything negative about him. But who is he? That didn't matter. The fact that he is a new comer to politics with very little experience was nothing to them. He was who they chose to elect. But, Sarah Palin, a new comer too, was fed to the wolves so to speak. Her "inexperience" was apparently unforgivable, while Obama's was endearing - an outsider who will change Washington.
After saying all this, you might be surprised to know that I really am more moderate that I seem. In my time actively working in the Republican party I realized that I wasn't as strictly conservative as a lot of those around me. I do believe that there are times and cases when welfare is needed - correctly administered and run - and when the government can do things better. But I am worried, at the same time, about a government that is too big, too invasive, and too distrusting of our ability to make our own decisions for us and our families. I am worried that we will be seen as an easy target now to terrorists and other countries. But, I have hope that when we all learn what it is - besides "change" - that Obama stands for, that it will leave our country better, safer, and stronger.
There are so many things that I see wrong with what happened with the election today. First I have to start by explaining the way I vote. I ask that though some of you may strongly disagree with me, please still be my friend. I say that because for some reason people have such a strong reaction to this, even though something worse happened tonight...hypocrisy that we will get to later on. I am a party voter. This doesn't mean that I don't still pay attention to the people running, but 99% of the time I will vote Republican after I make sure that they will represent those conservative beliefs I have. I may not agree with everything that a Republican candidate stands for, but I will agree with a whole lot more with that candidate than a Democrat. Also, whatever party the elected official represents gains more power overall, which will further a cause that I will not agree with if it is a Democrat. A candidate may be a more "moderate" Democrat, but the more liberal ones will gain power from that "moderate" candidate. Anyway, that is why I vote the way I do. Don't hate me...
I was watching Fox News when they were talking about Obama winning. They were postulating about what Obama will do, stand for, push for, etc as President. They were almost joking about how no one really knows what Obama stands for "but we like him anyway." Are you kidding me?!? You are okay with electing a President that no one knows how he will govern? Wow. And that is better than voting for a party with good, strong values. Wow.
Next, I have another bone to pick. The media. Why are they so liberal? They elected Obama. They really never said anything negative about him. But who is he? That didn't matter. The fact that he is a new comer to politics with very little experience was nothing to them. He was who they chose to elect. But, Sarah Palin, a new comer too, was fed to the wolves so to speak. Her "inexperience" was apparently unforgivable, while Obama's was endearing - an outsider who will change Washington.
After saying all this, you might be surprised to know that I really am more moderate that I seem. In my time actively working in the Republican party I realized that I wasn't as strictly conservative as a lot of those around me. I do believe that there are times and cases when welfare is needed - correctly administered and run - and when the government can do things better. But I am worried, at the same time, about a government that is too big, too invasive, and too distrusting of our ability to make our own decisions for us and our families. I am worried that we will be seen as an easy target now to terrorists and other countries. But, I have hope that when we all learn what it is - besides "change" - that Obama stands for, that it will leave our country better, safer, and stronger.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
The right perspective
I have a confession. I was not always excited about being a woman. Don't get me wrong, I have always wanted nothing more than to be a stay-at-home mom and raise children (I know this is because I was raised by a mother who made it very clear that her greatest ambition and joy in life was to be our mother, and so that was my abition as well.) But, to be considered weak, less intelligent, flighty, and all the other words generally associated with womanhood was not something I desired.
But, that changed. I remember when too. When I was 17 I received my patriarchal blessing, which spoke of being a woman, and those things that I would experience as a woman and the importance of women. Unfortunately, at first, I scoffed. Great, I am a woman. But, the more I thought about it, the more I changed. Great, I am a woman! I cannot even begin to explain the joy I feel right now saying that - I am a woman. More importantly, I am stiving to be a woman of God! Wow, how good that feels.
As I contemplated tonight the laundry that needed to be folded, the bed that needed to be made, and the bathroom that needed straightening, all I could think of was sitting on the couch and relaxing after a VERY long week of taking care of two of the busiest boys ever. Then, I had an idea. Since I wasn't able to go to Women's Conference at BYU this year (I can't wait until I can!) maybe I could listen to it. So, I found it, selected a talk and went to work. *hint* I found work is a whole lot more enjoyable when the prophet is on in the background! Anyway, I listed to a talk by President Monson, which of course was great. Then, I wanted more. So I listened to a talk by Sheri Dew. I love how direct she is and how much she believes in women. If you have a half hour to feel renewed joy, strength and faithfulness in womanhood, listen to her talk: http://www.byub.org/womensconf/
I have so many feelings after this talk, so this might be jumbled. But, even though I am tired, I know that my willingness to express my feelings is definitely stronger at night, so I am going to try now!
I think that at least once a week I have a discussion with someone about how much the world is changing for the worst. I can't believe how bad it has gotten. My mom was just telling me about something she saw in a popular prime time show that just blew us all away. And so many commercials alone are awful to watch. Maybe it is because we live in Vegas so a lot of the wickedness of the world is on display, but I know it is prevalent everywhere else too, and in everyday life. In her talk, Sheri Dew continually emphasized the importance of being different from the world, from the women of the world. We are women of God who follow Him and that should be obvious in the way we live our lives, the things we watch, even what we wear. She told how important women are to building a faithful home, community, and ultimately the kingdom of God on earth.
But, we are not to believe this. The world tells us that to be successful we are to be like men. Success is measured by our title, our accomplishments, and our body. To be a mother is to just be a mother. What a huge tool in Satan's arsenal! If women are so integral to everything, then of course that is what he will target. He will tell us that fulfillment is outside the home. That we are failures if we are not successful in business or politics. That we are not worthy if we aren't a size 2. That we are chained down if we are at home with our families. If we believe all these things, we will not be fulfilling our role, our purpose. Sheri Dew said that there is a reason we are the center of the home and family. We are given unique characteristics as women - the ability to nurture, serve, be unselfish, be faithful, and others - that give us an immense strength. That strength is what is needed to raise future generations in righteousness and push forward the work of God on earth as women of God, not of the world.
I cannot imagine more joy than I feel about being a mother (okay, that I feel most of the time being a mother!) I cannot in all my thinking imagine anything else that could come close to replicating that feeling. Nothing. Being a woman is definitely a divine calling, one that is uniquely different from any other. Oh how grateful I am to say I am a woman!
But, that changed. I remember when too. When I was 17 I received my patriarchal blessing, which spoke of being a woman, and those things that I would experience as a woman and the importance of women. Unfortunately, at first, I scoffed. Great, I am a woman. But, the more I thought about it, the more I changed. Great, I am a woman! I cannot even begin to explain the joy I feel right now saying that - I am a woman. More importantly, I am stiving to be a woman of God! Wow, how good that feels.
As I contemplated tonight the laundry that needed to be folded, the bed that needed to be made, and the bathroom that needed straightening, all I could think of was sitting on the couch and relaxing after a VERY long week of taking care of two of the busiest boys ever. Then, I had an idea. Since I wasn't able to go to Women's Conference at BYU this year (I can't wait until I can!) maybe I could listen to it. So, I found it, selected a talk and went to work. *hint* I found work is a whole lot more enjoyable when the prophet is on in the background! Anyway, I listed to a talk by President Monson, which of course was great. Then, I wanted more. So I listened to a talk by Sheri Dew. I love how direct she is and how much she believes in women. If you have a half hour to feel renewed joy, strength and faithfulness in womanhood, listen to her talk: http://www.byub.org/womensconf/
I have so many feelings after this talk, so this might be jumbled. But, even though I am tired, I know that my willingness to express my feelings is definitely stronger at night, so I am going to try now!
I think that at least once a week I have a discussion with someone about how much the world is changing for the worst. I can't believe how bad it has gotten. My mom was just telling me about something she saw in a popular prime time show that just blew us all away. And so many commercials alone are awful to watch. Maybe it is because we live in Vegas so a lot of the wickedness of the world is on display, but I know it is prevalent everywhere else too, and in everyday life. In her talk, Sheri Dew continually emphasized the importance of being different from the world, from the women of the world. We are women of God who follow Him and that should be obvious in the way we live our lives, the things we watch, even what we wear. She told how important women are to building a faithful home, community, and ultimately the kingdom of God on earth.
But, we are not to believe this. The world tells us that to be successful we are to be like men. Success is measured by our title, our accomplishments, and our body. To be a mother is to just be a mother. What a huge tool in Satan's arsenal! If women are so integral to everything, then of course that is what he will target. He will tell us that fulfillment is outside the home. That we are failures if we are not successful in business or politics. That we are not worthy if we aren't a size 2. That we are chained down if we are at home with our families. If we believe all these things, we will not be fulfilling our role, our purpose. Sheri Dew said that there is a reason we are the center of the home and family. We are given unique characteristics as women - the ability to nurture, serve, be unselfish, be faithful, and others - that give us an immense strength. That strength is what is needed to raise future generations in righteousness and push forward the work of God on earth as women of God, not of the world.
I cannot imagine more joy than I feel about being a mother (okay, that I feel most of the time being a mother!) I cannot in all my thinking imagine anything else that could come close to replicating that feeling. Nothing. Being a woman is definitely a divine calling, one that is uniquely different from any other. Oh how grateful I am to say I am a woman!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
The little things that make a big difference
Are there those things in your life that just bring you joy, that nourish your soul? Wow, I know that sounds cheesy, but really, are there? Things that are so inherently good that you can't help but feel uplifted afterwards. I have been thinking tonight about how important these things are to me, to keep me happy, energized, and calm. Now, my list is probably a little different from yours, but here it is: Anne of Green Gables and Avonlea, miniature golfing with my husband, a good conference talk, talking with a good friend, my boys' laughs, daydreaming of Paris, and many others. Tonight I was feasting on one of these things that fills me with utter delight - The Little Prince.
I love the Little Prince. Up until now, I had only read it in French... about ten times at least. It is beautiful, poetic, deep yet simple. I love it (did I mention that already?!) I suggested to my book group that we read it next month, and they agreed. So, tonight Mike and I started to read it in English. I am so excited that he is willing to read this with me because I honestly feel like it is a part of my soul now. Maybe it is the simple stories that say so much about our society. Maybe it is something about seeing the world through the eyes of a child and the simplicity of life and joy he finds. Maybe it is my desire to be a kid. In any case, I could literally feel my battery recharging. I want to share some little insight from the book that would demonstrate to you how wonderful it is, but I am at a loss of even where to begin. It is all wonderful. If you have an hour free that you could use to uplift your spirit, read The Little Prince. You'll be happy you did!
I love the Little Prince. Up until now, I had only read it in French... about ten times at least. It is beautiful, poetic, deep yet simple. I love it (did I mention that already?!) I suggested to my book group that we read it next month, and they agreed. So, tonight Mike and I started to read it in English. I am so excited that he is willing to read this with me because I honestly feel like it is a part of my soul now. Maybe it is the simple stories that say so much about our society. Maybe it is something about seeing the world through the eyes of a child and the simplicity of life and joy he finds. Maybe it is my desire to be a kid. In any case, I could literally feel my battery recharging. I want to share some little insight from the book that would demonstrate to you how wonderful it is, but I am at a loss of even where to begin. It is all wonderful. If you have an hour free that you could use to uplift your spirit, read The Little Prince. You'll be happy you did!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Tolerant?
So, I have to rant. This means it may not be coherent or make any sense, but I just need to get it out there!
We hear a lot about tolerance. We are supposed to be tolerant of different lifestyles, people's choices, different cultures, races, and faiths or the lack thereof. Someone who embraces all of these differences is "tolerant." Have you ever noticed, however, that those who are supposed to be the most tolerant - those who support gay marriage, abortion, etc - are generally selectively tolerant?
I am a conservative Christian. I have my beliefs and faith, which I accept as truth. As such, I incur the wrath of the "tolerant" in our society. When Mike was going to school in Portland, he was a definite minority, and his beliefs were looked down on because he didn't accept everything in the world and society as okay. One day in class a fellow classmate admitted to being Christian but had been too afraid to tell anyone because of how looked down on it is. I also remember a story on the news there that sums it all up. There is a part of downtown Portland that is decorated for the holiday season each year. Large representations of several faiths were put out to celebrate. However, the cross, as the Christian symbol, was vandalized repeatedly. They were thinking they might not be able to keep putting it out. Now, why were no other faiths' symbols treated so? I know that these kinds of attitudes and actions are not just present in Portland. I've seen them everywhere. I was watching America's Next Top Model (yep, guitly pleasure!) when they were talking to a prospective contestant who happened to be LDS. The judges were appalled that her parents were upset with her when she had sex at age 16. Why can we not have morals without being looked down upon? Why can't tolerance include those who have standards and morals, faith and beliefs?
So, I guess that as society becomes more and more "tolerant" we will also become less and less moral, wholesome and good because that lifestyle is not "tolerant," "cool," or "right." Fortunately, we have knowledge and faith that is not tossed to and fro with the world. I will just have to take comfort in knowing that my seemingly narrow view according to the world is the one that not only brings me joy here but will forever.
We hear a lot about tolerance. We are supposed to be tolerant of different lifestyles, people's choices, different cultures, races, and faiths or the lack thereof. Someone who embraces all of these differences is "tolerant." Have you ever noticed, however, that those who are supposed to be the most tolerant - those who support gay marriage, abortion, etc - are generally selectively tolerant?
I am a conservative Christian. I have my beliefs and faith, which I accept as truth. As such, I incur the wrath of the "tolerant" in our society. When Mike was going to school in Portland, he was a definite minority, and his beliefs were looked down on because he didn't accept everything in the world and society as okay. One day in class a fellow classmate admitted to being Christian but had been too afraid to tell anyone because of how looked down on it is. I also remember a story on the news there that sums it all up. There is a part of downtown Portland that is decorated for the holiday season each year. Large representations of several faiths were put out to celebrate. However, the cross, as the Christian symbol, was vandalized repeatedly. They were thinking they might not be able to keep putting it out. Now, why were no other faiths' symbols treated so? I know that these kinds of attitudes and actions are not just present in Portland. I've seen them everywhere. I was watching America's Next Top Model (yep, guitly pleasure!) when they were talking to a prospective contestant who happened to be LDS. The judges were appalled that her parents were upset with her when she had sex at age 16. Why can we not have morals without being looked down upon? Why can't tolerance include those who have standards and morals, faith and beliefs?
So, I guess that as society becomes more and more "tolerant" we will also become less and less moral, wholesome and good because that lifestyle is not "tolerant," "cool," or "right." Fortunately, we have knowledge and faith that is not tossed to and fro with the world. I will just have to take comfort in knowing that my seemingly narrow view according to the world is the one that not only brings me joy here but will forever.
Friday, October 10, 2008
The joy of creation
I am left brained. No doubt about it. Until recently the only non-left brained thing I did was music, and even that was more a mastery of technique. But about five years ago I decided to explore the right side of my brain a bit more.
I had just had a hard break-up and I decided that while I was waiting around I should learn something new. So, I learned to cook more. To me, this is definitely a creative talent. I wanted to learn how to put ingredients together to create something that tasted and looked good. Well, the looking good part is still coming, but I learned that I love cooking and coming up with new ideas.
After I became pregnant with Jordan I really wanted to figure out a fun way to keep his baby book in which I could put anything and everything that I wanted to remember. Pictures, stories, facts, thoughts, etc. I decided to take the plunge and start scrapbooking. I had always resisted entering that far into my right brain, but I did it. And you know what? I love it! I love thinking of new ways to make a page fun and cute while telling everything I want to. Now, this doesn't come easy. I look in magazines and other people's scrapbooks to get good ideas. But, the more I do it, the easier it is to come up with it on my own.
Lately I've been feeling like this isn't enough. I just have had such a strong desire to make things. I have about four or five different projects that I am gathering materials for. Before, I always thought there was no way I could just make something I got an idea for. I would just search and search for something like it. But now I think, "why couldn't I just make that?" I love the feeling I have when I have accomplished a project. I am still a work in progress, but I can tell it is getting easier.
Then, at the General Relief Society meeting, President Uchtdorf spoke about finding happiness. He said that to find God's happiness we need to do those things that he does, or at least try to emulate them. One of the attributes he spoke of was creation. He told us how we all have the desire to create and that we can find happiness in doing so. He said that it doesn't have to be a craft project or good dinner, but it could be a home, or something like that. Whatever we can do, we should find ways to create. I just loved his talk because I have felt those same feelings lately. So, I am going to continue to cultivate my right brain and find joy in it.
I had just had a hard break-up and I decided that while I was waiting around I should learn something new. So, I learned to cook more. To me, this is definitely a creative talent. I wanted to learn how to put ingredients together to create something that tasted and looked good. Well, the looking good part is still coming, but I learned that I love cooking and coming up with new ideas.
After I became pregnant with Jordan I really wanted to figure out a fun way to keep his baby book in which I could put anything and everything that I wanted to remember. Pictures, stories, facts, thoughts, etc. I decided to take the plunge and start scrapbooking. I had always resisted entering that far into my right brain, but I did it. And you know what? I love it! I love thinking of new ways to make a page fun and cute while telling everything I want to. Now, this doesn't come easy. I look in magazines and other people's scrapbooks to get good ideas. But, the more I do it, the easier it is to come up with it on my own.
Lately I've been feeling like this isn't enough. I just have had such a strong desire to make things. I have about four or five different projects that I am gathering materials for. Before, I always thought there was no way I could just make something I got an idea for. I would just search and search for something like it. But now I think, "why couldn't I just make that?" I love the feeling I have when I have accomplished a project. I am still a work in progress, but I can tell it is getting easier.
Then, at the General Relief Society meeting, President Uchtdorf spoke about finding happiness. He said that to find God's happiness we need to do those things that he does, or at least try to emulate them. One of the attributes he spoke of was creation. He told us how we all have the desire to create and that we can find happiness in doing so. He said that it doesn't have to be a craft project or good dinner, but it could be a home, or something like that. Whatever we can do, we should find ways to create. I just loved his talk because I have felt those same feelings lately. So, I am going to continue to cultivate my right brain and find joy in it.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
The perfect formula
I've spent the past three days reading two books. I couldn't stop. And then I figured it out. The perfect formula for a successful chick flick, book or film.
one relatively ordinary girl
+
one extraordinary man
+
a little adventure
= one great chick flick
Of course somewhere along the way he helps her understand that she isn't as ordinary as she thinks. Works every time.
one relatively ordinary girl
+
one extraordinary man
+
a little adventure
= one great chick flick
Of course somewhere along the way he helps her understand that she isn't as ordinary as she thinks. Works every time.
Monday, October 6, 2008
7 interesting things
I was tagged to do this post - 7 interesting or weird things about me. Well, since I haven't posted in a while, I will go ahead and do this one!
1. I like to dip my toast in ketchup (but don't say gross until you try it - I have had many friends be surprised that it actually is good!)
2. I love to peel things. It is really addicting.
3. I don't like wearing socks and I can't wear anything with a high collar because I feel like I am being suffocated.
4. I was president of BYU College Republicans when I was in school. I used to love politics (I know, I already covered that!)
5. If I could pick any talent to have, I would want to be able to sing really well.
6. I'm really stubborn...just ask Mike. I don't like people trying to make me do something or feel a certain way. Yeah, I'm working on it. :)
7. When I was a freshman in high school I wanted to be a lightning photographer. I love lightning and thunderstorms. I actually get giddy.
1. I like to dip my toast in ketchup (but don't say gross until you try it - I have had many friends be surprised that it actually is good!)
2. I love to peel things. It is really addicting.
3. I don't like wearing socks and I can't wear anything with a high collar because I feel like I am being suffocated.
4. I was president of BYU College Republicans when I was in school. I used to love politics (I know, I already covered that!)
5. If I could pick any talent to have, I would want to be able to sing really well.
6. I'm really stubborn...just ask Mike. I don't like people trying to make me do something or feel a certain way. Yeah, I'm working on it. :)
7. When I was a freshman in high school I wanted to be a lightning photographer. I love lightning and thunderstorms. I actually get giddy.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Politics
I used to be really into politics. When I was in college I was president of BYU's College Republicans. I was on a Congressional campaign's staff and I volunteered on many other campaigns. I was on the county's Republican party executive committee. I went to my precinct caucus meetings and to every convention.
But not any more...
Soon after I got married I decided to cut politics out of my life, at least for a little while. The problem is that I am extremely passionate when it comes to politics. I can't just calmly sit and watch or read something political. I get worked up. You know that scripture in the Book of Mormon that says to bridle your passions that you may be filled with love. That's me and politics. I haven't yet learned to bridle that passion, so I need to stay away from it. It is hard to explain how it feels, but I don't like the strong negativity I get from being involved with it.
The other day I thought I would try to watch the debate between John McCain and Barak Obama. I still am interested, so I turned it on. After about 30 seconds I was already trying to join the debate. I could feel it all coming back. So, I turned it off. I guess I still am not ready for politics again. Hopefully soon I will learn how to be calm about politics, but until then I will have to keep it out. Don't worry though, I am still going to vote!
But not any more...
Soon after I got married I decided to cut politics out of my life, at least for a little while. The problem is that I am extremely passionate when it comes to politics. I can't just calmly sit and watch or read something political. I get worked up. You know that scripture in the Book of Mormon that says to bridle your passions that you may be filled with love. That's me and politics. I haven't yet learned to bridle that passion, so I need to stay away from it. It is hard to explain how it feels, but I don't like the strong negativity I get from being involved with it.
The other day I thought I would try to watch the debate between John McCain and Barak Obama. I still am interested, so I turned it on. After about 30 seconds I was already trying to join the debate. I could feel it all coming back. So, I turned it off. I guess I still am not ready for politics again. Hopefully soon I will learn how to be calm about politics, but until then I will have to keep it out. Don't worry though, I am still going to vote!
Friday, September 26, 2008
Mama's boys
I love my boys.
My boys are mama's boys, especially Evan. There are times when I am literally the only person that he wants and he only is happy again when he is with me. The other night I went visiting teaching, so I wasn't home when the boys went to bed. When Evan woke up for his first feeding of the night, I could tell he was happy to see me. Then, when Mike went to put him in bed he was not ready to go. It is nice to be loved so much.
The past couple of days I haven't been feeling 100%, so I haven't had the energy I normally need to keep up with them. And, because they are such mama's boys, they like a lot of my attention! Last night I was so excited for the boys' bed time so I could finally rest. But, after they had been in bed for about an hour I really wanted to see them. Pathetic, huh?! But, after some soul searching to understand why, after 12 hours of non-stop boys I wanted to see them again so much already, I figured it out.
I used to have a comfort object. I always felt so much better when I held it. But, I haven't had it for many, many years. I think I have been struggling to replace it ever since. Last night when I was tired, unwell, and lonely (Mike was at school still...) I realized that my boys are my comfort. I just wanted to cuddle with one of them to feel not only the joy and love I have for them, but that I feel back from them. So, I went and laid down with Jordan for a minute and felt so much better!
My boys are mama's boys, especially Evan. There are times when I am literally the only person that he wants and he only is happy again when he is with me. The other night I went visiting teaching, so I wasn't home when the boys went to bed. When Evan woke up for his first feeding of the night, I could tell he was happy to see me. Then, when Mike went to put him in bed he was not ready to go. It is nice to be loved so much.
The past couple of days I haven't been feeling 100%, so I haven't had the energy I normally need to keep up with them. And, because they are such mama's boys, they like a lot of my attention! Last night I was so excited for the boys' bed time so I could finally rest. But, after they had been in bed for about an hour I really wanted to see them. Pathetic, huh?! But, after some soul searching to understand why, after 12 hours of non-stop boys I wanted to see them again so much already, I figured it out.
I used to have a comfort object. I always felt so much better when I held it. But, I haven't had it for many, many years. I think I have been struggling to replace it ever since. Last night when I was tired, unwell, and lonely (Mike was at school still...) I realized that my boys are my comfort. I just wanted to cuddle with one of them to feel not only the joy and love I have for them, but that I feel back from them. So, I went and laid down with Jordan for a minute and felt so much better!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Confession
I have a confession. I get frustrated with my kids and my husband. I wish I didn't, but I do. Then, I get more frustrated that I am frustrated and it just spirals. We hear from great men all the time about their wives never complaining and being happy while they were gone all the time. If it is really possible, well, then I am failing.
You know that hypothetical question, if you could ask one person a question, who would it be and what would you ask? I know without a doubt what my answer would be. People might feel like it would be a wasted question, but I think it is exactly what I would want to know. I would ask Julie B. Beck if she ever got frustrated with her family. I admire Sister Beck so much and would love to know the answer. I just want to know if the pressure I place on myself to never feel that way is unrealistic or not. I know that there are a lot of pressures placed on women in the church to try and always be happy and do everything we can, and I would love one of the leaders of the women to say that we don't have to be perfect. Maybe this is all common sense to everyone else though, I don't know.
I have, however, found some tricks that help me have a little more patience through the days. I've learned that if I set out with the intent of doing nothing else with my day but take care of my kids, then I am a lot happier. And, if I am able to get something done, it is just icing on the cake. Also, I must eat a good breakfast (although doing so takes away any possible low blood sugar claims I could make...)
The biggest help to me, though, is to remember that there are seasons to my life. I had been thinking a lot about this when Elder Ballard gave his talk in conference last April that reaffirmed my mindset. I know that right now is the season of my life to take care of and raise my children. Sooner that I like they will be busy with school and other activities and I will have more time to not only pursue my interests but do more service and the like... and I might even have a clean house! I won't care at that point how long Mike is gone doing his responsibilities because there won't be babies and toddlers climbing on me and fussing for all their needs to be met immediately. Oh, and I will be getting more sleep! This thought honestly brings me a lot of comfort and I can literally feel some of the pressure slipping away.
You know that hypothetical question, if you could ask one person a question, who would it be and what would you ask? I know without a doubt what my answer would be. People might feel like it would be a wasted question, but I think it is exactly what I would want to know. I would ask Julie B. Beck if she ever got frustrated with her family. I admire Sister Beck so much and would love to know the answer. I just want to know if the pressure I place on myself to never feel that way is unrealistic or not. I know that there are a lot of pressures placed on women in the church to try and always be happy and do everything we can, and I would love one of the leaders of the women to say that we don't have to be perfect. Maybe this is all common sense to everyone else though, I don't know.
I have, however, found some tricks that help me have a little more patience through the days. I've learned that if I set out with the intent of doing nothing else with my day but take care of my kids, then I am a lot happier. And, if I am able to get something done, it is just icing on the cake. Also, I must eat a good breakfast (although doing so takes away any possible low blood sugar claims I could make...)
The biggest help to me, though, is to remember that there are seasons to my life. I had been thinking a lot about this when Elder Ballard gave his talk in conference last April that reaffirmed my mindset. I know that right now is the season of my life to take care of and raise my children. Sooner that I like they will be busy with school and other activities and I will have more time to not only pursue my interests but do more service and the like... and I might even have a clean house! I won't care at that point how long Mike is gone doing his responsibilities because there won't be babies and toddlers climbing on me and fussing for all their needs to be met immediately. Oh, and I will be getting more sleep! This thought honestly brings me a lot of comfort and I can literally feel some of the pressure slipping away.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Reality check
I know I already said my peace for today, but here we go again!
My boys are an interesting lot. They are extremely active, hyper, playful, etc, but just so long as I am right there with them. Subsequently I spend all my time during the day taking care of them or playing with them. A lot of the time I don't mind. I understand that when people say it goes by so fast they mean it. So, I play with them. I hold them. I dance, sing, and goof off with them. Occasionally I really wish that either of them had an ounce of independence, but I wouldn't change them really because, as most children are to their mothers, they are perfect. But, this leaves me with no time to myself (I usually even have one of them following after me into the bathroom...seriously guys!) By the time they go to bed at night I not only exhusted, my body can't seem to move any more. If I can muster up some motivation, I usually use it to do the dishes, laundry, or something domestic like that. With all of this combined, I usually don't get a chance to do those things that I enjoy.
Sometimes I forget who I am. I forget what I like, what my interests are or even my personality. When people ask me what I like to do, it is often that I just stare blankly at them because I know I should have an answer but it just isn't there. But I truly believe that there are seasons in my life to do everything and right now I am focusing on my kids. Along the way, however, I want to remember who I am so that when I do have that time again I will know what to do with it! Sometimes I make a list of what I used to do with myself when I had time and those things that I enjoyed thinking about (I love to daydream!) I always feel better about things after I have done this because I remember that there is something else to me. So, I am creating a list of things I love on the sidebar of this blog to remind me of who I am. I will just keep adding to it as I recall more things. This way I will remember more often what makes me me.
My boys are an interesting lot. They are extremely active, hyper, playful, etc, but just so long as I am right there with them. Subsequently I spend all my time during the day taking care of them or playing with them. A lot of the time I don't mind. I understand that when people say it goes by so fast they mean it. So, I play with them. I hold them. I dance, sing, and goof off with them. Occasionally I really wish that either of them had an ounce of independence, but I wouldn't change them really because, as most children are to their mothers, they are perfect. But, this leaves me with no time to myself (I usually even have one of them following after me into the bathroom...seriously guys!) By the time they go to bed at night I not only exhusted, my body can't seem to move any more. If I can muster up some motivation, I usually use it to do the dishes, laundry, or something domestic like that. With all of this combined, I usually don't get a chance to do those things that I enjoy.
Sometimes I forget who I am. I forget what I like, what my interests are or even my personality. When people ask me what I like to do, it is often that I just stare blankly at them because I know I should have an answer but it just isn't there. But I truly believe that there are seasons in my life to do everything and right now I am focusing on my kids. Along the way, however, I want to remember who I am so that when I do have that time again I will know what to do with it! Sometimes I make a list of what I used to do with myself when I had time and those things that I enjoyed thinking about (I love to daydream!) I always feel better about things after I have done this because I remember that there is something else to me. So, I am creating a list of things I love on the sidebar of this blog to remind me of who I am. I will just keep adding to it as I recall more things. This way I will remember more often what makes me me.
My siren song
I have an addiction. I can't help myself. I LOVE to find deals. There is a definite possibility that I get a high from it. I don't pay more than $3 for any one new piece of clothing for the boys (and even that is pushing it). If I find something that is a really good clearance price, I try to find a need for it. Mike knows that when we go to a store, especially one like Target, I will be sidetracked at every red clearance sign. Like the Sirens of Greek mythology that lured sailors off their path and into the waiting cliffs, so those clearance signs are to me, pulling me off my course. I seriously can't help myself. They are irresistable.
But there is such a sense of accomplishment in getting something we need for such a good price. Maybe it is because Mike is a student so we don't have money to spare. Anyway, I am still coming off one of my good deal highs. Yesterday I went to Goodwill where all clothes and shoes were 50% off. I bought the boys brand new halloween costumes for $1.50 each! I love that!
But there is such a sense of accomplishment in getting something we need for such a good price. Maybe it is because Mike is a student so we don't have money to spare. Anyway, I am still coming off one of my good deal highs. Yesterday I went to Goodwill where all clothes and shoes were 50% off. I bought the boys brand new halloween costumes for $1.50 each! I love that!
Friday, September 19, 2008
The *blessing* of having a mimicker
My son is a mimicker. Anything and everything. If I take a drink, he takes a drink. If Evan sneezes, you can count on a chorus of sneezes from Jordan. When Evan crawls, Jordan is right there with him. And if a friend falls down, you can bet Jordan will be there to fall down too. I have been really frustrated with his mimcking lately - we can't get him to not do something someone else is doing. But I had a slight epiphany about it today (well, you can call it an epiphany or a rationalization to regain some sanity...)
Pretty much anything I do I see Jordan doing. The other night Mike was teasing me and I tapped his face in protest. Jordan didn't understand and hit Mike in the face and laughed. I realized that I literally need to watch everything I do or say around Jordan. In effect, by trying to raise Jordan to be the person I want him to be, I am becoming the person I want to be because I know he will watch everything I do. I can't say those things that I wouldn't want him to say or do those things I wouldn't want him to do. I guess it turns out that having a mimicker is quite the blessing after all because as he grows and understands more, I need to make sure that I am a good model for my little mimicker.
Jordan insisted on being swaddled just like the baby...my little mimicker!
Pretty much anything I do I see Jordan doing. The other night Mike was teasing me and I tapped his face in protest. Jordan didn't understand and hit Mike in the face and laughed. I realized that I literally need to watch everything I do or say around Jordan. In effect, by trying to raise Jordan to be the person I want him to be, I am becoming the person I want to be because I know he will watch everything I do. I can't say those things that I wouldn't want him to say or do those things I wouldn't want him to do. I guess it turns out that having a mimicker is quite the blessing after all because as he grows and understands more, I need to make sure that I am a good model for my little mimicker.
Jordan insisted on being swaddled just like the baby...my little mimicker!
Here we go!
Welcome to my new blog! I just wanted to have a space to share my thoughts about life. I guess I like to day dream...and I like to talk. So, to spare my husband some of my every day ramblings I am going to write them all here.
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