Security

We have been really struggling with Evan for the past week or so. He is going through, what I hope is just severe separation anxiety. I hold him all day and he isn't sleeping well at night or for naps (except for when I hold him for an hour and half while he sleeps.) I really do believe in letting them cry it out until they learn to fall asleep on their own, but after two hours, it is impossible - he pulls himself up in his crib and just stands there crying the whole time! Anyway, it has really been getting to me. Setting aside the fact that it is nearly impossible to get anything done, go anywhere, or have a break, it is physically exhausting...he isn't a little baby! I went to a store today to try to find some jeans that fit me and he just screamed the entire time I was trying some on. I was so close to just having a break down because this is how all my days are - completely and totally wrapped up in just the boys. I honestly can't even take care of my house because one or both of them is constantly asking or screaming for my attention.

Tonight we put Evan down for bed like we do every night - a bath, feeding, book and song. And of course he just screamed. After a little over two hours something just changed in me. All of the sudden I could feel what he was feeling. I could sense the need to be held tight and securely, to feel safe and comforted. He just wanted to feel secure. I went into his room, picked him up and we sat together, me holding him tight against me while he faded off to sleep comfortable and happy. I felt comfortable and happy too.

I feel like so many things in parenting is finding the narrow line between ideas and making it work. I know that we are supposed to teach our kids as young as babies to be independent. And I want my kids to be confident in themselves and to definitely have some sense of independence. I also want them to fall asleep, on their own and sleep through the night! But, I also, more than almost anything else I can do for them, want them to know that they are everything to me. I want them to know that if they need me, I will ALWAYS do whatever I can for them. I want them to be secure in me, that I love them, and that they can trust me to be there for them when they need me. So what wins? Do I force Evan to learn independence by pushing him away from me? Or do I show him that I am his constant and security by being there for him through this phase? Or is there a middle ground?

I have a few ideas that I am going to try. I am going to introduce a security object to him that I will hold with us so that he associates it with me and being comforted. We'll see if he will settle for it as a substitute for...or representation of...me. I might try moving his crib into Jordan's room to see it he just needs to not be alone right now. Tonight Jordan was laughing to Evan through their bedroom walls for a while trying to cheer him up. Evan would actually stop crying when he heard Jordan. It was really sweet. So, we'll see. I hope, though, that he will always know that he is so important to me that if he needs me to hold him all day sometimes, I will do that for him. But, I hope that he becomes comfortable enough to explore his world and enjoy it. And, above all, I hope that I will have the patience, wisdom, and physical strength to figure it out with him.

So, here's to an new outlook to *hopefully* have a more patient day tomorrow!