The past few weeks have been crazy busy for me. I had the blessing of being a part of Savior of the World here in Las Vegas, and I absolutely loved it. I loved getting to play my flute again, and more importantly, I loved getting to do it in a way to worship. Every show I felt myself getting emotional as the cast and choir sang “Jesus Once of Humble Birth.” I have no doubt that Christ is the Savior of the world, that He lived and died for us to find eternal joy.
One other reason I wanted to be a part of this production was to take back a bit of me. I find such fulfillment through music. I love joining others to create something so beautiful. So for me, this opportunity was a sanity saver. I reclaimed a part of me. But, in doing so, I was gone most nights for over three weeks. And though I crave small breaks from the constant demands of little children, I found myself missing them so much. I missed being at home to put them to bed, to do “mama time” with my boys. I wondered if I was being selfish by taking that time away from them.
But I realized that I was a better mom for getting to do something for me. It seems cliché to say, but true. I found more joy in being at home and I appreciated them more.
I think the key is, as with everything, finding balance. In this season of my life, my main focus, priority, and time consumer is my family, my kids. And I am perfectly okay with that. But, at the same time, I need to have bits of time when I can do those things that give me personal joy. That is the hardest thing for me to concede actually, more so than giving up everything for them. I have to learn to and practice giving myself time to do what I enjoy.
I would, however, never change anything about where I am at. I absolutely adore my boys. And I am so glad that I have my two little boys that are 18 months apart and getting to be such good friends. Honestly, it was really hard for a while having them so close (and I know people have done closer…) and so active and demanding. But it was most definitely worth it. I love watching them laugh and play together. And I can deal with the fighting for those happy moments.
Focusing on the life of the Savior for a concentrated amount of time was truly a blessing. It reminded me that through Him it is possible for us to live with our families forever. And I am so grateful for that.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
It isn't just a justification...I promise!
I know what I am about to say will probably make many moms shudder, but I let my kids eat lunch on our couch. I know, awful. But there's a reason...another confession. I want them to watch tv. I am a huge fan of PBS. They have great shows for kids, especially the ones around lunch time - Word World, Super Why, and Sid the Science Kid (they don't watch all of them everyday, just whichever is on when they eat lunch). Jordan actually knows the sounds of about ten letters because of these shows. I know in a perfect world I would be teaching him these sounds myself, but I do practice them with him. The boys both love these shows. Jordan will repeat letters, sounds, and science ideas that he learns. So, I like them having that time...and I feel less guilty about getting to eat my lunch in peace in the kitchen.
As an aside, I think I am going to start doing phonics with Jordan. He loves learning, especially about letters and the little bit we go over from these shows he gets really excited about. We are teaching him that different letters make different words, and I think he will get it. I don't think he will be reading any time soon, nor will I try to make him, I just think he would really enjoy it. I learned how to read with the Spalding phonics program and I am excited to share with him the phonics cards I grew up with and actually enjoyed. So, we will see how it goes.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I know, I know...
...I am a broken record. I don't know why I feel so strongly about family, and especially women's role in it, but I do, so it is on my mind a lot. As I was trying to decide if I should keep writing about the same subjet over and over, I thought about a quote that was in last month's visiting teaching message by Julie B. Beck, "As a disciple of Jesus Christ, every woman in this Church is given the responsibility for upholding, nurturing, and protecting families... And as a covenant-keeping Latter-day Saint woman, you know that raising your voice in defense of the doctrine of the family is critical to the strength of families the world over." It is our duty to defend families, especially now. So, here we go again.
Dr. Laura has a new book coming out, so she has been interviewed many times on the news shows I like to watch. Now I am not a 100% fan of her's, but I do agree with a lot of what she says, and more importantly, completely respect her defense of the family in our society today. Anyway, her new book is called In Praise of Stay-at-home Moms. She explained that one of the biggest reasons she wanted to write this book is because the world, especially women, view stay-at-home moms so negatively - as lazy, unintelligent, unimportant, unambitious, etc. But the most fulfilling thing we can do as women is have children, nurture them, and raise them. So, she wanted to recognize women who do that. Now I know that there are some women who do not have a choice as to whether or not they have to work. I am no judge. I do know, however, that in our world, the vast majority of women are chosing to work.
I think there are a couple things at work here. I think one major factor is that our world is very materialistic. Instead of a person's worth being measured by who they are - their character, values, etc - they are measured by what positions they hold and how much money and how many things they have. Therefore, to live up to this view from the world, a woman needs to work to afford the life that is deemed "successful." Dr. Laura talked a bit about this too, that being a stay-at-home mom requires sacrifice, no matter what your situation because you are giving up two incomes for one. But it is all in your attitude. Instead of eating out, having a picnic somewhere is just as worthwhile, and well within the budget of a one-income family, for example.
Another force I see behind this trend is the value of women in society. I read a talk by Sheri Dew years ago that I loved so much I typed up segments of it and taped it in my scriptures so I would have easy access to it. One thing she stated in it was, "Satan, of course, knows how spiritually potent the knowledge of our divine identity is. He hates us because of the influence we have on husbands and children, family and friends, the Church and even the world. It is no secret to him that we are the Lord's secret weapon...He wants us to believe that there is no status in being a mother. That is a lie, an evil lie. He wants us to believe that the influence of women is inherently inferior. And that is a lie." And what success has been had on that front. Our world has said that for a woman to mean anything, she has to be like a man, live like a man, work like a man. In contrast, we are taught to, "find nobility in motherhood and joy in womanhood" (Relief Society theme). We are women for a reason. We need to embrace our inherencies, our strengths, our abilities as women, and find joy in them. And we need to remind the world that women, living as women, are important and valuable to society, integral in fact.
I am so proud to be a woman. I know I have said it before, but it wasn't always so and I regret that. But I understand now the priviledge that is ours as women. I can honestly say that I have had NO greater joy in life than I have had in motherhood. And I think that is our blessing as women, to experience that joy and be the center of our families and homes. And I want the world to know it. I am a stay-at-home mom and that makes me a very imortant person. I am raising my children who will influence the world.
Dr. Laura has a new book coming out, so she has been interviewed many times on the news shows I like to watch. Now I am not a 100% fan of her's, but I do agree with a lot of what she says, and more importantly, completely respect her defense of the family in our society today. Anyway, her new book is called In Praise of Stay-at-home Moms. She explained that one of the biggest reasons she wanted to write this book is because the world, especially women, view stay-at-home moms so negatively - as lazy, unintelligent, unimportant, unambitious, etc. But the most fulfilling thing we can do as women is have children, nurture them, and raise them. So, she wanted to recognize women who do that. Now I know that there are some women who do not have a choice as to whether or not they have to work. I am no judge. I do know, however, that in our world, the vast majority of women are chosing to work.
I think there are a couple things at work here. I think one major factor is that our world is very materialistic. Instead of a person's worth being measured by who they are - their character, values, etc - they are measured by what positions they hold and how much money and how many things they have. Therefore, to live up to this view from the world, a woman needs to work to afford the life that is deemed "successful." Dr. Laura talked a bit about this too, that being a stay-at-home mom requires sacrifice, no matter what your situation because you are giving up two incomes for one. But it is all in your attitude. Instead of eating out, having a picnic somewhere is just as worthwhile, and well within the budget of a one-income family, for example.
Another force I see behind this trend is the value of women in society. I read a talk by Sheri Dew years ago that I loved so much I typed up segments of it and taped it in my scriptures so I would have easy access to it. One thing she stated in it was, "Satan, of course, knows how spiritually potent the knowledge of our divine identity is. He hates us because of the influence we have on husbands and children, family and friends, the Church and even the world. It is no secret to him that we are the Lord's secret weapon...He wants us to believe that there is no status in being a mother. That is a lie, an evil lie. He wants us to believe that the influence of women is inherently inferior. And that is a lie." And what success has been had on that front. Our world has said that for a woman to mean anything, she has to be like a man, live like a man, work like a man. In contrast, we are taught to, "find nobility in motherhood and joy in womanhood" (Relief Society theme). We are women for a reason. We need to embrace our inherencies, our strengths, our abilities as women, and find joy in them. And we need to remind the world that women, living as women, are important and valuable to society, integral in fact.
I am so proud to be a woman. I know I have said it before, but it wasn't always so and I regret that. But I understand now the priviledge that is ours as women. I can honestly say that I have had NO greater joy in life than I have had in motherhood. And I think that is our blessing as women, to experience that joy and be the center of our families and homes. And I want the world to know it. I am a stay-at-home mom and that makes me a very imortant person. I am raising my children who will influence the world.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Strength
Maybe I am a broken record. I don't know. I just feel such a need to focus on the importance of women - strong, faithful women. I think too many times we feel unimportant, imperfect, and not useful enough. I know I do. So maybe my focus is really a self-indulgent way to strengthen myself. But I feel compelled by it. We NEED to know how important we are. We need to be good. We need to be strong. And most importantly, we need to be actively engaged in good things - raising our families, giving service, being righteous. We need to know of our importance and live it. We need to view ourselves in terms of our potential and the good we do, and not by our weaknesses and shortcomings. In doing so, I think we will be more motivated, willing, and able to do be active in making the world better. In that light, here is a quote I heard the other day and loved:
"Dear sisters, our beloved associates in this work, in “such a time as this” may I plead with you never to underestimate or undervalue your divine role both as personal, powerful contributors to the kingdom of God and as the nurturers and benefactors of His “little ones,” who will yet have such a divine impact on the unfolding of this work. I fear that virtually nothing—or at least not much—that the world says to you acknowledges your divine role as women. I am reminded that throughout the creation sequence of Genesis God viewed His work, including the creation of man, and called it “good.” But for the one and only time in that creation story He then said something was “not good.” He said it was not good that man should be alone. In short the Creation, even with Adam, was incomplete. Here I invoke President Gordon B. Hinckley’s language: “As His final creation, the crowning of His glorious work, He created woman. I like to regard Eve as His masterpiece after all that had gone before, the final [great] work before He rested from His labors.” I join my testimony to President Hinckley’s in that assessment. Surely it must have been at this point, with so much that was “good” having been done and having remedied the one thing that was “not good,” He could say after Eve’s arrival it was all “very good.” In this great eternal work women have carried the torch of faith and family from the beginning. The need for that torch to burn brightly and dispel the darkness has never been greater than “in this time.” Little wonder that the Prophet Joseph said, “If you live up to your privileges, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates.” The scriptures speak of women being “elect.” What a powerful doctrinal and covenantal term! And who “elects” you? You do!—and so does God Himself, who has all the joy and delight of a father in you as His daughter, you who pass on light and hope, pass on life itself and a glorious gospel legacy until the work is finished." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
"Dear sisters, our beloved associates in this work, in “such a time as this” may I plead with you never to underestimate or undervalue your divine role both as personal, powerful contributors to the kingdom of God and as the nurturers and benefactors of His “little ones,” who will yet have such a divine impact on the unfolding of this work. I fear that virtually nothing—or at least not much—that the world says to you acknowledges your divine role as women. I am reminded that throughout the creation sequence of Genesis God viewed His work, including the creation of man, and called it “good.” But for the one and only time in that creation story He then said something was “not good.” He said it was not good that man should be alone. In short the Creation, even with Adam, was incomplete. Here I invoke President Gordon B. Hinckley’s language: “As His final creation, the crowning of His glorious work, He created woman. I like to regard Eve as His masterpiece after all that had gone before, the final [great] work before He rested from His labors.” I join my testimony to President Hinckley’s in that assessment. Surely it must have been at this point, with so much that was “good” having been done and having remedied the one thing that was “not good,” He could say after Eve’s arrival it was all “very good.” In this great eternal work women have carried the torch of faith and family from the beginning. The need for that torch to burn brightly and dispel the darkness has never been greater than “in this time.” Little wonder that the Prophet Joseph said, “If you live up to your privileges, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates.” The scriptures speak of women being “elect.” What a powerful doctrinal and covenantal term! And who “elects” you? You do!—and so does God Himself, who has all the joy and delight of a father in you as His daughter, you who pass on light and hope, pass on life itself and a glorious gospel legacy until the work is finished." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
Sunday, April 5, 2009
An alter-ego
Do you have alter-egos? You know, someone or something deep inside of you that wants to be somewhere or someone different. Not that you would choose that over what you have, but you let them come out every once in a while in a daydream?
Here is mine:
I am in Paris, slowing walking down the streets, taking in the sight and sounds with a camera in my hand and perfect French at my disposal.
Here is my trigger:
I have this large picture of Paris in my bedroom and when I have an idle moment, I find myself on one of the bridges looking out over the Seine. And my journey begins.
But I would never trade that for spending the day with my boys. It is just something to daydream about.
Here is mine:
I am in Paris, slowing walking down the streets, taking in the sight and sounds with a camera in my hand and perfect French at my disposal.
Here is my trigger:
I have this large picture of Paris in my bedroom and when I have an idle moment, I find myself on one of the bridges looking out over the Seine. And my journey begins.
But I would never trade that for spending the day with my boys. It is just something to daydream about.
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