I used to be really into politics. When I was in college I was president of BYU's College Republicans. I was on a Congressional campaign's staff and I volunteered on many other campaigns. I was on the county's Republican party executive committee. I went to my precinct caucus meetings and to every convention.
But not any more...
Soon after I got married I decided to cut politics out of my life, at least for a little while. The problem is that I am extremely passionate when it comes to politics. I can't just calmly sit and watch or read something political. I get worked up. You know that scripture in the Book of Mormon that says to bridle your passions that you may be filled with love. That's me and politics. I haven't yet learned to bridle that passion, so I need to stay away from it. It is hard to explain how it feels, but I don't like the strong negativity I get from being involved with it.
The other day I thought I would try to watch the debate between John McCain and Barak Obama. I still am interested, so I turned it on. After about 30 seconds I was already trying to join the debate. I could feel it all coming back. So, I turned it off. I guess I still am not ready for politics again. Hopefully soon I will learn how to be calm about politics, but until then I will have to keep it out. Don't worry though, I am still going to vote!
Monday, September 29, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Mama's boys
I love my boys.
My boys are mama's boys, especially Evan. There are times when I am literally the only person that he wants and he only is happy again when he is with me. The other night I went visiting teaching, so I wasn't home when the boys went to bed. When Evan woke up for his first feeding of the night, I could tell he was happy to see me. Then, when Mike went to put him in bed he was not ready to go. It is nice to be loved so much.
The past couple of days I haven't been feeling 100%, so I haven't had the energy I normally need to keep up with them. And, because they are such mama's boys, they like a lot of my attention! Last night I was so excited for the boys' bed time so I could finally rest. But, after they had been in bed for about an hour I really wanted to see them. Pathetic, huh?! But, after some soul searching to understand why, after 12 hours of non-stop boys I wanted to see them again so much already, I figured it out.
I used to have a comfort object. I always felt so much better when I held it. But, I haven't had it for many, many years. I think I have been struggling to replace it ever since. Last night when I was tired, unwell, and lonely (Mike was at school still...) I realized that my boys are my comfort. I just wanted to cuddle with one of them to feel not only the joy and love I have for them, but that I feel back from them. So, I went and laid down with Jordan for a minute and felt so much better!
My boys are mama's boys, especially Evan. There are times when I am literally the only person that he wants and he only is happy again when he is with me. The other night I went visiting teaching, so I wasn't home when the boys went to bed. When Evan woke up for his first feeding of the night, I could tell he was happy to see me. Then, when Mike went to put him in bed he was not ready to go. It is nice to be loved so much.
The past couple of days I haven't been feeling 100%, so I haven't had the energy I normally need to keep up with them. And, because they are such mama's boys, they like a lot of my attention! Last night I was so excited for the boys' bed time so I could finally rest. But, after they had been in bed for about an hour I really wanted to see them. Pathetic, huh?! But, after some soul searching to understand why, after 12 hours of non-stop boys I wanted to see them again so much already, I figured it out.
I used to have a comfort object. I always felt so much better when I held it. But, I haven't had it for many, many years. I think I have been struggling to replace it ever since. Last night when I was tired, unwell, and lonely (Mike was at school still...) I realized that my boys are my comfort. I just wanted to cuddle with one of them to feel not only the joy and love I have for them, but that I feel back from them. So, I went and laid down with Jordan for a minute and felt so much better!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Confession
I have a confession. I get frustrated with my kids and my husband. I wish I didn't, but I do. Then, I get more frustrated that I am frustrated and it just spirals. We hear from great men all the time about their wives never complaining and being happy while they were gone all the time. If it is really possible, well, then I am failing.
You know that hypothetical question, if you could ask one person a question, who would it be and what would you ask? I know without a doubt what my answer would be. People might feel like it would be a wasted question, but I think it is exactly what I would want to know. I would ask Julie B. Beck if she ever got frustrated with her family. I admire Sister Beck so much and would love to know the answer. I just want to know if the pressure I place on myself to never feel that way is unrealistic or not. I know that there are a lot of pressures placed on women in the church to try and always be happy and do everything we can, and I would love one of the leaders of the women to say that we don't have to be perfect. Maybe this is all common sense to everyone else though, I don't know.
I have, however, found some tricks that help me have a little more patience through the days. I've learned that if I set out with the intent of doing nothing else with my day but take care of my kids, then I am a lot happier. And, if I am able to get something done, it is just icing on the cake. Also, I must eat a good breakfast (although doing so takes away any possible low blood sugar claims I could make...)
The biggest help to me, though, is to remember that there are seasons to my life. I had been thinking a lot about this when Elder Ballard gave his talk in conference last April that reaffirmed my mindset. I know that right now is the season of my life to take care of and raise my children. Sooner that I like they will be busy with school and other activities and I will have more time to not only pursue my interests but do more service and the like... and I might even have a clean house! I won't care at that point how long Mike is gone doing his responsibilities because there won't be babies and toddlers climbing on me and fussing for all their needs to be met immediately. Oh, and I will be getting more sleep! This thought honestly brings me a lot of comfort and I can literally feel some of the pressure slipping away.
You know that hypothetical question, if you could ask one person a question, who would it be and what would you ask? I know without a doubt what my answer would be. People might feel like it would be a wasted question, but I think it is exactly what I would want to know. I would ask Julie B. Beck if she ever got frustrated with her family. I admire Sister Beck so much and would love to know the answer. I just want to know if the pressure I place on myself to never feel that way is unrealistic or not. I know that there are a lot of pressures placed on women in the church to try and always be happy and do everything we can, and I would love one of the leaders of the women to say that we don't have to be perfect. Maybe this is all common sense to everyone else though, I don't know.
I have, however, found some tricks that help me have a little more patience through the days. I've learned that if I set out with the intent of doing nothing else with my day but take care of my kids, then I am a lot happier. And, if I am able to get something done, it is just icing on the cake. Also, I must eat a good breakfast (although doing so takes away any possible low blood sugar claims I could make...)
The biggest help to me, though, is to remember that there are seasons to my life. I had been thinking a lot about this when Elder Ballard gave his talk in conference last April that reaffirmed my mindset. I know that right now is the season of my life to take care of and raise my children. Sooner that I like they will be busy with school and other activities and I will have more time to not only pursue my interests but do more service and the like... and I might even have a clean house! I won't care at that point how long Mike is gone doing his responsibilities because there won't be babies and toddlers climbing on me and fussing for all their needs to be met immediately. Oh, and I will be getting more sleep! This thought honestly brings me a lot of comfort and I can literally feel some of the pressure slipping away.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Reality check
I know I already said my peace for today, but here we go again!
My boys are an interesting lot. They are extremely active, hyper, playful, etc, but just so long as I am right there with them. Subsequently I spend all my time during the day taking care of them or playing with them. A lot of the time I don't mind. I understand that when people say it goes by so fast they mean it. So, I play with them. I hold them. I dance, sing, and goof off with them. Occasionally I really wish that either of them had an ounce of independence, but I wouldn't change them really because, as most children are to their mothers, they are perfect. But, this leaves me with no time to myself (I usually even have one of them following after me into the bathroom...seriously guys!) By the time they go to bed at night I not only exhusted, my body can't seem to move any more. If I can muster up some motivation, I usually use it to do the dishes, laundry, or something domestic like that. With all of this combined, I usually don't get a chance to do those things that I enjoy.
Sometimes I forget who I am. I forget what I like, what my interests are or even my personality. When people ask me what I like to do, it is often that I just stare blankly at them because I know I should have an answer but it just isn't there. But I truly believe that there are seasons in my life to do everything and right now I am focusing on my kids. Along the way, however, I want to remember who I am so that when I do have that time again I will know what to do with it! Sometimes I make a list of what I used to do with myself when I had time and those things that I enjoyed thinking about (I love to daydream!) I always feel better about things after I have done this because I remember that there is something else to me. So, I am creating a list of things I love on the sidebar of this blog to remind me of who I am. I will just keep adding to it as I recall more things. This way I will remember more often what makes me me.
My boys are an interesting lot. They are extremely active, hyper, playful, etc, but just so long as I am right there with them. Subsequently I spend all my time during the day taking care of them or playing with them. A lot of the time I don't mind. I understand that when people say it goes by so fast they mean it. So, I play with them. I hold them. I dance, sing, and goof off with them. Occasionally I really wish that either of them had an ounce of independence, but I wouldn't change them really because, as most children are to their mothers, they are perfect. But, this leaves me with no time to myself (I usually even have one of them following after me into the bathroom...seriously guys!) By the time they go to bed at night I not only exhusted, my body can't seem to move any more. If I can muster up some motivation, I usually use it to do the dishes, laundry, or something domestic like that. With all of this combined, I usually don't get a chance to do those things that I enjoy.
Sometimes I forget who I am. I forget what I like, what my interests are or even my personality. When people ask me what I like to do, it is often that I just stare blankly at them because I know I should have an answer but it just isn't there. But I truly believe that there are seasons in my life to do everything and right now I am focusing on my kids. Along the way, however, I want to remember who I am so that when I do have that time again I will know what to do with it! Sometimes I make a list of what I used to do with myself when I had time and those things that I enjoyed thinking about (I love to daydream!) I always feel better about things after I have done this because I remember that there is something else to me. So, I am creating a list of things I love on the sidebar of this blog to remind me of who I am. I will just keep adding to it as I recall more things. This way I will remember more often what makes me me.
My siren song
I have an addiction. I can't help myself. I LOVE to find deals. There is a definite possibility that I get a high from it. I don't pay more than $3 for any one new piece of clothing for the boys (and even that is pushing it). If I find something that is a really good clearance price, I try to find a need for it. Mike knows that when we go to a store, especially one like Target, I will be sidetracked at every red clearance sign. Like the Sirens of Greek mythology that lured sailors off their path and into the waiting cliffs, so those clearance signs are to me, pulling me off my course. I seriously can't help myself. They are irresistable.
But there is such a sense of accomplishment in getting something we need for such a good price. Maybe it is because Mike is a student so we don't have money to spare. Anyway, I am still coming off one of my good deal highs. Yesterday I went to Goodwill where all clothes and shoes were 50% off. I bought the boys brand new halloween costumes for $1.50 each! I love that!
But there is such a sense of accomplishment in getting something we need for such a good price. Maybe it is because Mike is a student so we don't have money to spare. Anyway, I am still coming off one of my good deal highs. Yesterday I went to Goodwill where all clothes and shoes were 50% off. I bought the boys brand new halloween costumes for $1.50 each! I love that!
Friday, September 19, 2008
The *blessing* of having a mimicker
My son is a mimicker. Anything and everything. If I take a drink, he takes a drink. If Evan sneezes, you can count on a chorus of sneezes from Jordan. When Evan crawls, Jordan is right there with him. And if a friend falls down, you can bet Jordan will be there to fall down too. I have been really frustrated with his mimcking lately - we can't get him to not do something someone else is doing. But I had a slight epiphany about it today (well, you can call it an epiphany or a rationalization to regain some sanity...)
Pretty much anything I do I see Jordan doing. The other night Mike was teasing me and I tapped his face in protest. Jordan didn't understand and hit Mike in the face and laughed. I realized that I literally need to watch everything I do or say around Jordan. In effect, by trying to raise Jordan to be the person I want him to be, I am becoming the person I want to be because I know he will watch everything I do. I can't say those things that I wouldn't want him to say or do those things I wouldn't want him to do. I guess it turns out that having a mimicker is quite the blessing after all because as he grows and understands more, I need to make sure that I am a good model for my little mimicker.
Jordan insisted on being swaddled just like the baby...my little mimicker!
Pretty much anything I do I see Jordan doing. The other night Mike was teasing me and I tapped his face in protest. Jordan didn't understand and hit Mike in the face and laughed. I realized that I literally need to watch everything I do or say around Jordan. In effect, by trying to raise Jordan to be the person I want him to be, I am becoming the person I want to be because I know he will watch everything I do. I can't say those things that I wouldn't want him to say or do those things I wouldn't want him to do. I guess it turns out that having a mimicker is quite the blessing after all because as he grows and understands more, I need to make sure that I am a good model for my little mimicker.
Jordan insisted on being swaddled just like the baby...my little mimicker!
Here we go!
Welcome to my new blog! I just wanted to have a space to share my thoughts about life. I guess I like to day dream...and I like to talk. So, to spare my husband some of my every day ramblings I am going to write them all here.
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