Mother

I am reading a book right now called An Old-Fashioned Girl by Louisa May Alcott. I came upon this quote and really wanted to write it somewhere to have. The main character is comparing her mother, whom she talks about here, with another mother who pushed her daughter away from a hug so her (the mother's) dress wouldn't get dirty:
"She thought of another woman, whose dress never was too fine for little wet cheeks to lie against, or loving little arms to press; whose face, in spite of many lines and the gray hairs above it, was never sour or unsympathetic when children's eyes turned towards it; and whose hands never were too busy, too full or too nice to welcome and serve the little sons and daughters who freely brought their small hopes and fears, sins and sorrows, to her, who dealt out justice and mercy with such wise love."
I hope I can be this kind of mother. I guess it is okay that I don't even bother trying to do much with my hair because whenever I hold my Jordan he loves running his fingers through my hair. Come to think of it, I wouldn't want to miss out on that either. I love it when he does that! At night during our "Mama, Jordan time" when I lay down with him and ask him how his day was, he runs his fingers through my hair again as we talk or goof off. He has started giving me lots of kisses on my cheek now too. Anything is worth sacrificing for those little moments.

More of me

So, I had to start another blog. I know, I am excessive, but I really need a place to get my opinions out so I can move on. I think it will help! :) I am still going to keep this blog up as my happy space. I want to share my ideas about the things in which I find joy in life. So if you are interested in reading my opinions and sharing your own, here it is:
http://themindofericajane.blogspot.com/
Thanks!

On Agency

I recently read a blog that I found about agency by a member of the Church. I really feel strongly about writing about this topic as it relates to politics. I know, I was going to be done with politics, especially writing about things that some may disagree with. But I need to do this. And hopefully this will be it. I have been too riled up this past week!
I have noticed that many members of the Church believe that laws should not be passed that will "take away" a person's agency. This is brought up again because of the passage of Proposition 8 in a few states, banning gay marriage. Those people in the Church who are against 8's passage believe that people should be left to exercise their agency, even though we find homosexuality morally wrong. So, I want to say a few things about that.
First, the Church, along with other faiths and organizations, lobbied for its passage. If we are not supposed to enact laws about moral issues then why did the the Church join forces to work for the proposition's passage? It is because we have a duty as members of the Church to stand up for that which we believe to be morally right. We do not sit idly by and watch the world travel a path to immorality and call it agency. That is never how it is has been and not how it will ever be. Our Church leaders felt like it was important enough for the Church to get involved in.
Second, no one's agency has been taken away by the passage of this. Even if something is illegal, every person still has agency to follow the law or break it. Agency is and can never be taken away from us. It is our gift in this life. People are still free to be homosexual, to live together, to have relationships, etc. They still have their agency.
Third, if we start splitting hairs like this, then there are many other moral issues and laws that we would have to examine. What about a person's agency to do drugs or be a prostitute. What about abortion? Morality has always been a part of law making. We believe as a society that it is wrong to do drugs. So it is illegal. We believe that prostitution is immoral. It is illegal. If those people who believe that everyone should have agency in all things, then these too should be legal. But, that is how it is. I know that there has always been a faction of society that says that morality should never be legislated, but what would that leave us as a society? Soon you would be left with nothing to legislate and society full of wickedness.
Fourth, if people are so upset about the right for people to marry whom they want, then why is it okay to outlaw polygamy (I don't mean the marrying 13-year-olds off kind...)? I'm not saying it should be legal at all, I'm just saying that if people feel so strongly about protecting everyone's right to marry how they want, then that would mean that those same people should support polygamists' rights as well.
Being members of the Church, we are blessed with the knowledge that our Church leaders are called of God and inspired with what we as a Church and society need. It is our duty as members to pray about their guidance and know for ourselves that they are indeed inspired. I am glad that we are led by those whose ways are not mingled with the wisdom of man when it comes to morality and agency. We aren't left to figure out what is right and wrong based on the shifting tides of popular thought in the world. We have a fixed mark to look to and that is very much a blessing.

Security

We have been really struggling with Evan for the past week or so. He is going through, what I hope is just severe separation anxiety. I hold him all day and he isn't sleeping well at night or for naps (except for when I hold him for an hour and half while he sleeps.) I really do believe in letting them cry it out until they learn to fall asleep on their own, but after two hours, it is impossible - he pulls himself up in his crib and just stands there crying the whole time! Anyway, it has really been getting to me. Setting aside the fact that it is nearly impossible to get anything done, go anywhere, or have a break, it is physically exhausting...he isn't a little baby! I went to a store today to try to find some jeans that fit me and he just screamed the entire time I was trying some on. I was so close to just having a break down because this is how all my days are - completely and totally wrapped up in just the boys. I honestly can't even take care of my house because one or both of them is constantly asking or screaming for my attention.

Tonight we put Evan down for bed like we do every night - a bath, feeding, book and song. And of course he just screamed. After a little over two hours something just changed in me. All of the sudden I could feel what he was feeling. I could sense the need to be held tight and securely, to feel safe and comforted. He just wanted to feel secure. I went into his room, picked him up and we sat together, me holding him tight against me while he faded off to sleep comfortable and happy. I felt comfortable and happy too.

I feel like so many things in parenting is finding the narrow line between ideas and making it work. I know that we are supposed to teach our kids as young as babies to be independent. And I want my kids to be confident in themselves and to definitely have some sense of independence. I also want them to fall asleep, on their own and sleep through the night! But, I also, more than almost anything else I can do for them, want them to know that they are everything to me. I want them to know that if they need me, I will ALWAYS do whatever I can for them. I want them to be secure in me, that I love them, and that they can trust me to be there for them when they need me. So what wins? Do I force Evan to learn independence by pushing him away from me? Or do I show him that I am his constant and security by being there for him through this phase? Or is there a middle ground?

I have a few ideas that I am going to try. I am going to introduce a security object to him that I will hold with us so that he associates it with me and being comforted. We'll see if he will settle for it as a substitute for...or representation of...me. I might try moving his crib into Jordan's room to see it he just needs to not be alone right now. Tonight Jordan was laughing to Evan through their bedroom walls for a while trying to cheer him up. Evan would actually stop crying when he heard Jordan. It was really sweet. So, we'll see. I hope, though, that he will always know that he is so important to me that if he needs me to hold him all day sometimes, I will do that for him. But, I hope that he becomes comfortable enough to explore his world and enjoy it. And, above all, I hope that I will have the patience, wisdom, and physical strength to figure it out with him.

So, here's to an new outlook to *hopefully* have a more patient day tomorrow!

Hypocrisy

So, we all saw this coming, right? I have to rant. So brace yourself, here it comes.

There are so many things that I see wrong with what happened with the election today. First I have to start by explaining the way I vote. I ask that though some of you may strongly disagree with me, please still be my friend. I say that because for some reason people have such a strong reaction to this, even though something worse happened tonight...hypocrisy that we will get to later on. I am a party voter. This doesn't mean that I don't still pay attention to the people running, but 99% of the time I will vote Republican after I make sure that they will represent those conservative beliefs I have. I may not agree with everything that a Republican candidate stands for, but I will agree with a whole lot more with that candidate than a Democrat. Also, whatever party the elected official represents gains more power overall, which will further a cause that I will not agree with if it is a Democrat. A candidate may be a more "moderate" Democrat, but the more liberal ones will gain power from that "moderate" candidate. Anyway, that is why I vote the way I do. Don't hate me...

I was watching Fox News when they were talking about Obama winning. They were postulating about what Obama will do, stand for, push for, etc as President. They were almost joking about how no one really knows what Obama stands for "but we like him anyway." Are you kidding me?!? You are okay with electing a President that no one knows how he will govern? Wow. And that is better than voting for a party with good, strong values. Wow.

Next, I have another bone to pick. The media. Why are they so liberal? They elected Obama. They really never said anything negative about him. But who is he? That didn't matter. The fact that he is a new comer to politics with very little experience was nothing to them. He was who they chose to elect. But, Sarah Palin, a new comer too, was fed to the wolves so to speak. Her "inexperience" was apparently unforgivable, while Obama's was endearing - an outsider who will change Washington.

After saying all this, you might be surprised to know that I really am more moderate that I seem. In my time actively working in the Republican party I realized that I wasn't as strictly conservative as a lot of those around me. I do believe that there are times and cases when welfare is needed - correctly administered and run - and when the government can do things better. But I am worried, at the same time, about a government that is too big, too invasive, and too distrusting of our ability to make our own decisions for us and our families. I am worried that we will be seen as an easy target now to terrorists and other countries. But, I have hope that when we all learn what it is - besides "change" - that Obama stands for, that it will leave our country better, safer, and stronger.

The right perspective

I have a confession. I was not always excited about being a woman. Don't get me wrong, I have always wanted nothing more than to be a stay-at-home mom and raise children (I know this is because I was raised by a mother who made it very clear that her greatest ambition and joy in life was to be our mother, and so that was my abition as well.) But, to be considered weak, less intelligent, flighty, and all the other words generally associated with womanhood was not something I desired.
But, that changed. I remember when too. When I was 17 I received my patriarchal blessing, which spoke of being a woman, and those things that I would experience as a woman and the importance of women. Unfortunately, at first, I scoffed. Great, I am a woman. But, the more I thought about it, the more I changed. Great, I am a woman! I cannot even begin to explain the joy I feel right now saying that - I am a woman. More importantly, I am stiving to be a woman of God! Wow, how good that feels.
As I contemplated tonight the laundry that needed to be folded, the bed that needed to be made, and the bathroom that needed straightening, all I could think of was sitting on the couch and relaxing after a VERY long week of taking care of two of the busiest boys ever. Then, I had an idea. Since I wasn't able to go to Women's Conference at BYU this year (I can't wait until I can!) maybe I could listen to it. So, I found it, selected a talk and went to work. *hint* I found work is a whole lot more enjoyable when the prophet is on in the background! Anyway, I listed to a talk by President Monson, which of course was great. Then, I wanted more. So I listened to a talk by Sheri Dew. I love how direct she is and how much she believes in women. If you have a half hour to feel renewed joy, strength and faithfulness in womanhood, listen to her talk: http://www.byub.org/womensconf/
I have so many feelings after this talk, so this might be jumbled. But, even though I am tired, I know that my willingness to express my feelings is definitely stronger at night, so I am going to try now!
I think that at least once a week I have a discussion with someone about how much the world is changing for the worst. I can't believe how bad it has gotten. My mom was just telling me about something she saw in a popular prime time show that just blew us all away. And so many commercials alone are awful to watch. Maybe it is because we live in Vegas so a lot of the wickedness of the world is on display, but I know it is prevalent everywhere else too, and in everyday life. In her talk, Sheri Dew continually emphasized the importance of being different from the world, from the women of the world. We are women of God who follow Him and that should be obvious in the way we live our lives, the things we watch, even what we wear. She told how important women are to building a faithful home, community, and ultimately the kingdom of God on earth.
But, we are not to believe this. The world tells us that to be successful we are to be like men. Success is measured by our title, our accomplishments, and our body. To be a mother is to just be a mother. What a huge tool in Satan's arsenal! If women are so integral to everything, then of course that is what he will target. He will tell us that fulfillment is outside the home. That we are failures if we are not successful in business or politics. That we are not worthy if we aren't a size 2. That we are chained down if we are at home with our families. If we believe all these things, we will not be fulfilling our role, our purpose. Sheri Dew said that there is a reason we are the center of the home and family. We are given unique characteristics as women - the ability to nurture, serve, be unselfish, be faithful, and others - that give us an immense strength. That strength is what is needed to raise future generations in righteousness and push forward the work of God on earth as women of God, not of the world.
I cannot imagine more joy than I feel about being a mother (okay, that I feel most of the time being a mother!) I cannot in all my thinking imagine anything else that could come close to replicating that feeling. Nothing. Being a woman is definitely a divine calling, one that is uniquely different from any other. Oh how grateful I am to say I am a woman!