Hitting my stride...

So, I am kind of ashamed to admit it, but I think I finally hit my stride with this whole stay-at-home mom thing. It only took me two and a half years, but I have arrived...I think. I realized some things this past week that have helped me eliminate a lot of the stress I have felt, leaving me to enjoy my boys. We had a great week last week.

Here is what I learned.

1. The big kahuna idea that freed me the most from my stress (and unfortunately something Mike has been telling me all along, so a lot of told-you-so moments coming on here...) - it is okay for the boys to fuss. That's it. Evan screams a lot, like a whole lot. And whenever I try to do anything they fuss, cry, ask for everything under the sun, etc. I felt like I needed to always be tending to them to be a good mom because I could make them feel better. Well, I started practicing for the orchestra I'm going to be doing because I really need to. So, I have had to ignore both of them so that I can. (I'm not talking about ignoring basic needs and injuries or leaving them to be reckless. I'm talking about them playing happily with toys so I pull out my flute, leading them to get mad that I am doing something that isn't somehow related to them.) In fact, the other day Jordan climbed up on me and pushed my flute away and told me to leave it alone. But, I have to practice. And eventually they give up or I just deal with it until I am done. And they are okay. So, I tried this with dishes, laundry, phone calls, reading. Pretty great. I got so much more done this week, leading me to feel better about what I had done and how I felt in my home.

2. It is what it is. I used to get frustrated a lot that I was putting the boys to bed by myself again, or that I needed to get some errands done but the boys were being so incredibly difficult, or Mike was running late again, or the boys were screaming in the tub AGAIN, etc. It all sounds so silly, but when it consumes your whole day, all your energy, all your sanity it seems more devastating. But it doesn't bother me now. It is what it is. And I can do it. And it is okay. I feel so much more relaxed now. And I think that is really influencing the boys. We had a good week last week.

3. Everything doesn't have to be done fast. I have always done things fast. I don't know why, but I just like to do something and be done. But kids aren't like that. So I would get frustrated that it would take Jordan 15-20 minutes to eat a piece of cheese. But now I realize that there really is no rush on most things in life. And I love it. We just took our time enjoying things and we had a great week.

4. Realize that I do a lot. I look around me often and feel like other moms are so much more together than I am, do so much more with their kids, and are just plain better at it all. But I decided to step back and look at what I do. I started taking Jordan to the library for story time, we go to the children's museum, I arrange play group every week, I spend my whole day (except the little bit I spend on other things mentioned in number 1!) playing, singing, dancing, making silly faces, talking, drawing, and reading with the boys. I make dinner every night...okay, most nights. I make sure the boys have everything they need and a lot of what they want, and I bargain shop constantly so we can have said things. Now, I know I could do better, and I am trying, but I needed to give myself some credit for what I do. And it actually took stress away because I stopped thinking that I needed to do more. And we had a great week doing all those things.

So, I am really excited for tomorrow. I am going to play with my boys, run an errand, play my flute, clean up and have a good time enjoying my family and home. And, I will keep my shoulders relaxed and enjoy a knot-free back! Monday, here I come!

Venturing out

A few years ago when I began scrapbooking, I picked up an embellisment with a quote on it that I really liked. I didn't know how or when I would ever use it, but I just wanted to have it. Last night as I reviewed my day, this quote popped into my head. It summed it up perfectly:

"The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible." - Arthur C. Clarke

Here is how it went. Mike had to leave a little before six in the morning to help with the boy scout/young men fundraiser. This meant I was up early taking care of the boys. Now, I have an amazing husband that gets up every morning with the boys so I can sleep a little longer...I am not a morning person though I wish I were. But, I did it, and I didn't even get my day-long I-got-up-too-early headeache.
Then Mike came home and we all got ready for the day. He headed out again to observe/train to do assessments in Spanish. My plan for the day was the Presidents Day Sale at RC Willey. We need a mattress for Evan and since we are getting our tax refund and Evan hates his crib, I thought this was the perfect chance. It was the normal outing with the boys - me doing my thing interupted every few seconds to give the boys fruit snacks, crackers, make one of them stop hitting the other, carry Evan when he was screaming, etc. They were actually doing well and I found a great deal on a great mattress. So I got to the line to pay. When I noticed that I couldn't even begin to see the cashiers, I got worried. I honestly thought, "there is no way I can stand in this line with these boys for that long...really, I can't." But I did it. After a little over an hour of waiting in line, we made it out. I was completely exhausted from keeping the boys happy, in one place and out of trouble. (as an aside, don't take a toy that comes apart in a way that your kids can't put back together on their own if you are going to be somewhere for a long time...)
Then Mike got home late so I improvised for dinner (he was going to grill steaks but ran out of time) and then he was out again to take down the flags he had put up earlier for the fundraiser. And though every muscle in my body was screaming for collapse, I did it.

I kind of feel like my days are more ways for me to realize what I can do. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard...really hard sometimes. Much more so than I thought it would be. I know that some of that is the personalities my kids were blessed with. I wouldn't change them, but they require a lot to keep up with them physically and emotionally. But I do it...every day. Even those days when Mike doesn't come home until after the boys are in bed. Sometimes I start those days thinking that there is no way I can do it, but I do. I am not always as graceful as I would like, but I do it. I have to. My body aches at the end of each day, but it is stronger than ever. When pushed further than usual, it can do it.

I also thought of all the other ways that this applies to our lives. What about spiritually. When we think that we may never be able to get over something, become something, forgive something, we can. A lot of that comes with help from our Heavenly Father who gives us of His strength to make us capable to do the seemingly impossible.

I am so excited right now as well because I get to be a part of the orchestra for a production being put on by a stake in Henderson - Savior of the World. I am so nervous though that I will not be able to perform. Once again I am going to step out past what I think is possible and see what happens. I really hope that I will able to do it. Maybe if I rely on some added strength, confindence and courage, I will be able to do more than I would be able to on my own.

Pathetic?

It is almost 11:00 at night and we are headed to bed. Today was a long day of taking care of the boys' whining, screaming, demanding and I was so ready for their bedtime. Now, I really want to get them up to play. Am I pathetic?

Maybe it will wear out...

I know that we talk a lot, as women, about how we wear many hats. Mine include mom (of course), wife, cook, maid, sanitation worker (and how!), shopper, accountant, safety inspector, historian, and others. I know that this list is only going to grow as my boys get older. But there is one other hat that I seem to be wearing a lot more these days - referee. My boys are starting to fight more and more. Well, they only fight about one thing - who gets what. Jordan is playing with cars, Evan wants those cars. Evan has a snack, Jordan wants that snack. One has the ride-on bus so the other wants it (even though there is another ride-on toy right next to them!) I'm holding one, so the other needs to be held. Then the pushing starts and Evan, who has become quite the screamer, screams and then my little mimicker Jordan starts to scream because Evan is screaming, and soon we have full on chaos...many, many times a day. It is times like these that bring to my mind the conference talk by Elder Ballard that reminded young mothers that joy in motherhood comes in moments. Not these ones though...

So, I try my best to separate them, make them share, practice taking turns, and the like. Sometimes I decide they need to learn to work it out for themselves, which becomes a game of chicken to see who will cave first - will they stop first or will I just intervene to stop the screaming. In the end, I try to remember that they are two little boys who are excited about life and want to experience what the other is doing too. But, I hope that, like a real hat, the more I wear it the sooner it will wear out. Maybe they will learn how to solve these problems from me showing them so many times. Or maybe I will just have to throw it out when it wears out and they will figure it out on their own. I don't know. But for now, I will keep putting it on with all the others when needed.

All the better to see you with.

I wear glasses. Have ever since seventh grade. The timing has never worked out for me to get contacts and now they are way too expensive. But that's okay. I don't mind. In fact, I'm pretty sure the rest of the world cares a whole lot more than I do.

Okay, here's what I mean. I have noticed throughout the years that glasses aren't popular. In fact, they are way more often than not equated with geeky, nerdy, unpopular, awkward people. If you ever see a movie where a girl is transformed through a make-over, glasses will inevitably be taken off. The other day I was watching a show that I enjoy, What Not to Wear. They were doing a woman's makeup and gave her contacts while inferring that she couldn't really be pretty with glasses on. I couldn't believe it. Here is yet another message to girls and women alike that they aren't good enough. If you have glasses, you will not be pretty. Then I saw another such show that told the woman that she looked older with glasses and they took them away. And, when I was in college, I actually had a boyfriend tell me that if we got married I couldn't wear my glasses that day. Really?

Fortunately I married a man who thinks I look good with or without glasses and doesn't care, and who let me where them on our wedding day, even for the pictures!

This is who I am, I wear glasses. And it is okay.



Someday when I am rich and famous, I will make a movie. In this movie the heroine will be beautiful, funny, talented, intelligent, loved by all, and she will wear glasses...the whole time!