"Before I can say I am, I was."

I am so inspired by good writing - the kind that gives you something to think about without making you try too hard. And I love writing that sounds beautiful. Anyway, I started reading our book group book for next month - Angle of Repose by Wallace Stegner. I am only four pages in, but I am already inspired. Here are some thoughts:

"I started to establish the present and the present moved on. What I established is already buried under layers of tape. Before I can say I am, I was. Heraclitus and I, prophets of flux, know that the flux is composed of parts that imitate and repeat each other. Am or was, I am cumulative too...I am much of what my parents and expecially my grandparents were...I believe in Time, as they did, and in the life chronological rather than the life existenial. We live in time and through it."

What he is talking about is his desire to learn of, about, and from his ancestors, those who helped shape who he is. But his grown children think he is crazy and believe that time is the present, that the past is just that.

This past weekend we went to Phoenix to celebrate my nieces' birthdays. We also were able to visit my grandparents. I am so impressed with the work they are doing. They are indexing thousands of records and have completed so much of their own family history - my family history. But they haven't just collected names, they have collected stories, experiences and photos. I was able to read some while I was there and I am so excited for those they are going to send me. What strikes me the most, however, is the feeling I get when I learn of those from whom I came. I feel pride in hearing about their triumphs, strength to know that I can overcome as well, and encouragement to be who I can be - someone like them because I came from them.

I have wondered before and I did again this weekend why it seems that we only find interest in our ancestors when we get older. I know part of it is availability of time, but I think we can become so wrapped up in making our own lives that we forget those who have helped shape those lives, whose lives can offer lessons. I can say that something insided me shouted "YES!" when I read the passage I quoted that described life as chronological, not existential. It is easy to look to our parents, or even our grandparents as our forebearers and I respect them so much and have learned so much from their examples. But I want to dive deeper. So here I am, resolved to learn more about those who made me, to let them teach me and inspire me.