Less (re)learned

My freshman year at BYU was a great time in my life. I had so much fun, made a ton of new friends, and learned a lot. But, one lesson took me the whole year to learn, and I confess that I still have to reteach it to myself.
That year was the first time I remember really thinking about what made me me and others them. I remember my friends being so excited to go a dance/social on campus. Having friends over to play games sounded a whole lot better to me. I joined College Republicans. I wasn't too concerned about my clothes or my makeup. I was still close with my parents. I couldn't stand being late to meetings, so I went by myself and saved seats a lot. I guess that year was the first time I began wondering if it was okay to be me, or if I was supposed to be like others.
Finally, at the beginning of my second year at BYU I decided that it was okay to be me. If I didn't feel like forcing myself to enjoy a packed room with blaring music, then I just didn't go, and that was okay. I found joy in my activities, friends, and everything I did. And it seemed that the less I cared if I was okay as I was, the more I was accepted.
Fast forward to three years ago. Mike and I were married and expecting Jordan. We were in a real live family ward now, not a BYU singles or married ward. I felt so intimidated. Here were so many accomplished, talented, smart, good women around me. My lesson finally learned slipped away. I started wondering who I was and what I should be. She runs, so I should too (man, I hate running though!) Her house is always clean, why do I have such a hard time keeping on top of it? She thinks that, she likes that, she does that... And trust me, it went on and on and on. I become introverted, shy, timid, self-conscious.
And now I am here. Mother of two, wife of a student, and me. After almost forgetting who I am, I am trying to learn my lesson again - I am me, and that's okay. I like what I like, I do what I enjoy, I parent how I feel is best, my weaknesses are mine. And that's okay. I have been waiting for people to tell me this - "Erica, you are you, and that is great.*" But, you know what? It doesn't matter. I need to be happy with who and what I am. No more comparing. I really enjoy reading blogs, but it seems that everyone is so organized, so creative, so perfect. Well, I am me. And no matter how hard I try right now, my house still looks like this:

Yep, that's as good as it gets, and that's okay. Neither creative nor beautiful, but it is what works for my kids.
Now, accepting me for me isn't to say that it is okay to be content with my weaknesses too. I hope that I am trying every day to not only be me, but the best me possible. And if I am, then that is great.

*Thanks to my mom for telling me this my whole life!