My life...

The past few weeks have been crazy busy for me. I had the blessing of being a part of Savior of the World here in Las Vegas, and I absolutely loved it. I loved getting to play my flute again, and more importantly, I loved getting to do it in a way to worship. Every show I felt myself getting emotional as the cast and choir sang “Jesus Once of Humble Birth.” I have no doubt that Christ is the Savior of the world, that He lived and died for us to find eternal joy.

One other reason I wanted to be a part of this production was to take back a bit of me. I find such fulfillment through music. I love joining others to create something so beautiful. So for me, this opportunity was a sanity saver. I reclaimed a part of me. But, in doing so, I was gone most nights for over three weeks. And though I crave small breaks from the constant demands of little children, I found myself missing them so much. I missed being at home to put them to bed, to do “mama time” with my boys. I wondered if I was being selfish by taking that time away from them.

But I realized that I was a better mom for getting to do something for me. It seems cliché to say, but true. I found more joy in being at home and I appreciated them more.

I think the key is, as with everything, finding balance. In this season of my life, my main focus, priority, and time consumer is my family, my kids. And I am perfectly okay with that. But, at the same time, I need to have bits of time when I can do those things that give me personal joy. That is the hardest thing for me to concede actually, more so than giving up everything for them. I have to learn to and practice giving myself time to do what I enjoy.

I would, however, never change anything about where I am at. I absolutely adore my boys. And I am so glad that I have my two little boys that are 18 months apart and getting to be such good friends. Honestly, it was really hard for a while having them so close (and I know people have done closer…) and so active and demanding. But it was most definitely worth it. I love watching them laugh and play together. And I can deal with the fighting for those happy moments.

Focusing on the life of the Savior for a concentrated amount of time was truly a blessing. It reminded me that through Him it is possible for us to live with our families forever. And I am so grateful for that.