I have never been one to set new years resolutions. I don’t know why, but for some reason it seems too cliché to do. But then again, I have never been good at goal setting. I just plan and do things. If I do set a goal, I don’t beat myself up if I don’t do it (I am hard on myself about enough things already, so I guess I let something slide by!) But this year is going to be different. I want to set goals and accomplish them, even with two little boys under foot. So, for 2009, I am going to set nine goals.
1. The first, of course, must be the most important. I am setting a goal to set and accomplish goals. I will accomplish the goals that I make here, and you all will be my witnesses to whom I will be accountable!
2. I want to be more productive with my down time, which is when the boys are in bed. Usually by the end of the day I am exhausted…those boys run me ragged all day! So, I don’t accomplish as much as I would like. Anyway, I know that this is more of a qualitative goal, which is hard to measure. So, to make it more quantitative, I will clean or create one thing each night.
3. Each weekend, I want to sit down with my planner and plan the week ahead. I will write down meals for each day so I know what I need to prepare for (a lot of times when I am planning a crock pot meal, I don’t remember until it is too late!) I will also make a list of everything that needs to be done that week so I can check them off when I get chances to do one.
4. Both of our boys need to be weaned from pacifiers. Jordan still sleeps with his, so we need to take it away in January. And, we want to take Evan’s away this month too, except for sleeping. Wish us luck on this one!
5. Jordan will be potty trained. Oh, how I am scared about this one! I don’t even know where to begin. But it will be done…soon!
6. I will consistently read my scriptures every day.
7. I will read at least one book a month. I am excited to do this because I have really enjoyed reading lately. I am starting with the Chronicles of Narnia series!
8. I want to blog more often. I really want to be able to write down my feelings about life here on this blog… and hey, it is easier than writing in a journal!
9. I want to read at least two books to the boys every day. I do read to them, but not as consistently as I would like. So, I will do better!
Well, there they are. You are my witnesses now. I know that changes don’t happen over night, but these are my goals for 2009. Happy New Year everyone!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Home sweet Home
On Sunday I left home to come home. We went to Utah for Thanksgiving with my family and had a wonderful time. Not only is Utah home because my family is there, but because I absolutely adore Utah. I love so many things about it. I cannot wait for the day when we can settle there and be home when we are at home.
I love the feeling I get when I am in Utah. I feel like I belong, like I fit in, like I am safe, and I feel extremely happy. I love the mountains, the seasons, the people, the memories, the canyons, all the activities to do, the zoo, Salt Lake City, Utah county, the country, being at the center of the Church and so much more. And I love being surrounded by so many LDS people. I know there are people who think that is awful, but I just don't understand it. It is wonderful to be around so many people that share your beliefs and values and way of life. I didn't grow up in Utah and I had many great friends and experiences, but I want to raise my family in Utah. I know it isn't perfect, but it is great, and it is home.
I love the feeling I get when I am in Utah. I feel like I belong, like I fit in, like I am safe, and I feel extremely happy. I love the mountains, the seasons, the people, the memories, the canyons, all the activities to do, the zoo, Salt Lake City, Utah county, the country, being at the center of the Church and so much more. And I love being surrounded by so many LDS people. I know there are people who think that is awful, but I just don't understand it. It is wonderful to be around so many people that share your beliefs and values and way of life. I didn't grow up in Utah and I had many great friends and experiences, but I want to raise my family in Utah. I know it isn't perfect, but it is great, and it is home.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Mother
I am reading a book right now called An Old-Fashioned Girl by Louisa May Alcott. I came upon this quote and really wanted to write it somewhere to have. The main character is comparing her mother, whom she talks about here, with another mother who pushed her daughter away from a hug so her (the mother's) dress wouldn't get dirty:
"She thought of another woman, whose dress never was too fine for little wet cheeks to lie against, or loving little arms to press; whose face, in spite of many lines and the gray hairs above it, was never sour or unsympathetic when children's eyes turned towards it; and whose hands never were too busy, too full or too nice to welcome and serve the little sons and daughters who freely brought their small hopes and fears, sins and sorrows, to her, who dealt out justice and mercy with such wise love."
I hope I can be this kind of mother. I guess it is okay that I don't even bother trying to do much with my hair because whenever I hold my Jordan he loves running his fingers through my hair. Come to think of it, I wouldn't want to miss out on that either. I love it when he does that! At night during our "Mama, Jordan time" when I lay down with him and ask him how his day was, he runs his fingers through my hair again as we talk or goof off. He has started giving me lots of kisses on my cheek now too. Anything is worth sacrificing for those little moments.
"She thought of another woman, whose dress never was too fine for little wet cheeks to lie against, or loving little arms to press; whose face, in spite of many lines and the gray hairs above it, was never sour or unsympathetic when children's eyes turned towards it; and whose hands never were too busy, too full or too nice to welcome and serve the little sons and daughters who freely brought their small hopes and fears, sins and sorrows, to her, who dealt out justice and mercy with such wise love."
I hope I can be this kind of mother. I guess it is okay that I don't even bother trying to do much with my hair because whenever I hold my Jordan he loves running his fingers through my hair. Come to think of it, I wouldn't want to miss out on that either. I love it when he does that! At night during our "Mama, Jordan time" when I lay down with him and ask him how his day was, he runs his fingers through my hair again as we talk or goof off. He has started giving me lots of kisses on my cheek now too. Anything is worth sacrificing for those little moments.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
More of me
So, I had to start another blog. I know, I am excessive, but I really need a place to get my opinions out so I can move on. I think it will help! :) I am still going to keep this blog up as my happy space. I want to share my ideas about the things in which I find joy in life. So if you are interested in reading my opinions and sharing your own, here it is:
http://themindofericajane.blogspot.com/
Thanks!
http://themindofericajane.blogspot.com/
Thanks!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
On Agency
I recently read a blog that I found about agency by a member of the Church. I really feel strongly about writing about this topic as it relates to politics. I know, I was going to be done with politics, especially writing about things that some may disagree with. But I need to do this. And hopefully this will be it. I have been too riled up this past week!
I have noticed that many members of the Church believe that laws should not be passed that will "take away" a person's agency. This is brought up again because of the passage of Proposition 8 in a few states, banning gay marriage. Those people in the Church who are against 8's passage believe that people should be left to exercise their agency, even though we find homosexuality morally wrong. So, I want to say a few things about that.
First, the Church, along with other faiths and organizations, lobbied for its passage. If we are not supposed to enact laws about moral issues then why did the the Church join forces to work for the proposition's passage? It is because we have a duty as members of the Church to stand up for that which we believe to be morally right. We do not sit idly by and watch the world travel a path to immorality and call it agency. That is never how it is has been and not how it will ever be. Our Church leaders felt like it was important enough for the Church to get involved in.
Second, no one's agency has been taken away by the passage of this. Even if something is illegal, every person still has agency to follow the law or break it. Agency is and can never be taken away from us. It is our gift in this life. People are still free to be homosexual, to live together, to have relationships, etc. They still have their agency.
Third, if we start splitting hairs like this, then there are many other moral issues and laws that we would have to examine. What about a person's agency to do drugs or be a prostitute. What about abortion? Morality has always been a part of law making. We believe as a society that it is wrong to do drugs. So it is illegal. We believe that prostitution is immoral. It is illegal. If those people who believe that everyone should have agency in all things, then these too should be legal. But, that is how it is. I know that there has always been a faction of society that says that morality should never be legislated, but what would that leave us as a society? Soon you would be left with nothing to legislate and society full of wickedness.
Fourth, if people are so upset about the right for people to marry whom they want, then why is it okay to outlaw polygamy (I don't mean the marrying 13-year-olds off kind...)? I'm not saying it should be legal at all, I'm just saying that if people feel so strongly about protecting everyone's right to marry how they want, then that would mean that those same people should support polygamists' rights as well.
Being members of the Church, we are blessed with the knowledge that our Church leaders are called of God and inspired with what we as a Church and society need. It is our duty as members to pray about their guidance and know for ourselves that they are indeed inspired. I am glad that we are led by those whose ways are not mingled with the wisdom of man when it comes to morality and agency. We aren't left to figure out what is right and wrong based on the shifting tides of popular thought in the world. We have a fixed mark to look to and that is very much a blessing.
I have noticed that many members of the Church believe that laws should not be passed that will "take away" a person's agency. This is brought up again because of the passage of Proposition 8 in a few states, banning gay marriage. Those people in the Church who are against 8's passage believe that people should be left to exercise their agency, even though we find homosexuality morally wrong. So, I want to say a few things about that.
First, the Church, along with other faiths and organizations, lobbied for its passage. If we are not supposed to enact laws about moral issues then why did the the Church join forces to work for the proposition's passage? It is because we have a duty as members of the Church to stand up for that which we believe to be morally right. We do not sit idly by and watch the world travel a path to immorality and call it agency. That is never how it is has been and not how it will ever be. Our Church leaders felt like it was important enough for the Church to get involved in.
Second, no one's agency has been taken away by the passage of this. Even if something is illegal, every person still has agency to follow the law or break it. Agency is and can never be taken away from us. It is our gift in this life. People are still free to be homosexual, to live together, to have relationships, etc. They still have their agency.
Third, if we start splitting hairs like this, then there are many other moral issues and laws that we would have to examine. What about a person's agency to do drugs or be a prostitute. What about abortion? Morality has always been a part of law making. We believe as a society that it is wrong to do drugs. So it is illegal. We believe that prostitution is immoral. It is illegal. If those people who believe that everyone should have agency in all things, then these too should be legal. But, that is how it is. I know that there has always been a faction of society that says that morality should never be legislated, but what would that leave us as a society? Soon you would be left with nothing to legislate and society full of wickedness.
Fourth, if people are so upset about the right for people to marry whom they want, then why is it okay to outlaw polygamy (I don't mean the marrying 13-year-olds off kind...)? I'm not saying it should be legal at all, I'm just saying that if people feel so strongly about protecting everyone's right to marry how they want, then that would mean that those same people should support polygamists' rights as well.
Being members of the Church, we are blessed with the knowledge that our Church leaders are called of God and inspired with what we as a Church and society need. It is our duty as members to pray about their guidance and know for ourselves that they are indeed inspired. I am glad that we are led by those whose ways are not mingled with the wisdom of man when it comes to morality and agency. We aren't left to figure out what is right and wrong based on the shifting tides of popular thought in the world. We have a fixed mark to look to and that is very much a blessing.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Security
We have been really struggling with Evan for the past week or so. He is going through, what I hope is just severe separation anxiety. I hold him all day and he isn't sleeping well at night or for naps (except for when I hold him for an hour and half while he sleeps.) I really do believe in letting them cry it out until they learn to fall asleep on their own, but after two hours, it is impossible - he pulls himself up in his crib and just stands there crying the whole time! Anyway, it has really been getting to me. Setting aside the fact that it is nearly impossible to get anything done, go anywhere, or have a break, it is physically exhausting...he isn't a little baby! I went to a store today to try to find some jeans that fit me and he just screamed the entire time I was trying some on. I was so close to just having a break down because this is how all my days are - completely and totally wrapped up in just the boys. I honestly can't even take care of my house because one or both of them is constantly asking or screaming for my attention.
Tonight we put Evan down for bed like we do every night - a bath, feeding, book and song. And of course he just screamed. After a little over two hours something just changed in me. All of the sudden I could feel what he was feeling. I could sense the need to be held tight and securely, to feel safe and comforted. He just wanted to feel secure. I went into his room, picked him up and we sat together, me holding him tight against me while he faded off to sleep comfortable and happy. I felt comfortable and happy too.
I feel like so many things in parenting is finding the narrow line between ideas and making it work. I know that we are supposed to teach our kids as young as babies to be independent. And I want my kids to be confident in themselves and to definitely have some sense of independence. I also want them to fall asleep, on their own and sleep through the night! But, I also, more than almost anything else I can do for them, want them to know that they are everything to me. I want them to know that if they need me, I will ALWAYS do whatever I can for them. I want them to be secure in me, that I love them, and that they can trust me to be there for them when they need me. So what wins? Do I force Evan to learn independence by pushing him away from me? Or do I show him that I am his constant and security by being there for him through this phase? Or is there a middle ground?
I have a few ideas that I am going to try. I am going to introduce a security object to him that I will hold with us so that he associates it with me and being comforted. We'll see if he will settle for it as a substitute for...or representation of...me. I might try moving his crib into Jordan's room to see it he just needs to not be alone right now. Tonight Jordan was laughing to Evan through their bedroom walls for a while trying to cheer him up. Evan would actually stop crying when he heard Jordan. It was really sweet. So, we'll see. I hope, though, that he will always know that he is so important to me that if he needs me to hold him all day sometimes, I will do that for him. But, I hope that he becomes comfortable enough to explore his world and enjoy it. And, above all, I hope that I will have the patience, wisdom, and physical strength to figure it out with him.
So, here's to an new outlook to *hopefully* have a more patient day tomorrow!
Tonight we put Evan down for bed like we do every night - a bath, feeding, book and song. And of course he just screamed. After a little over two hours something just changed in me. All of the sudden I could feel what he was feeling. I could sense the need to be held tight and securely, to feel safe and comforted. He just wanted to feel secure. I went into his room, picked him up and we sat together, me holding him tight against me while he faded off to sleep comfortable and happy. I felt comfortable and happy too.
I feel like so many things in parenting is finding the narrow line between ideas and making it work. I know that we are supposed to teach our kids as young as babies to be independent. And I want my kids to be confident in themselves and to definitely have some sense of independence. I also want them to fall asleep, on their own and sleep through the night! But, I also, more than almost anything else I can do for them, want them to know that they are everything to me. I want them to know that if they need me, I will ALWAYS do whatever I can for them. I want them to be secure in me, that I love them, and that they can trust me to be there for them when they need me. So what wins? Do I force Evan to learn independence by pushing him away from me? Or do I show him that I am his constant and security by being there for him through this phase? Or is there a middle ground?
I have a few ideas that I am going to try. I am going to introduce a security object to him that I will hold with us so that he associates it with me and being comforted. We'll see if he will settle for it as a substitute for...or representation of...me. I might try moving his crib into Jordan's room to see it he just needs to not be alone right now. Tonight Jordan was laughing to Evan through their bedroom walls for a while trying to cheer him up. Evan would actually stop crying when he heard Jordan. It was really sweet. So, we'll see. I hope, though, that he will always know that he is so important to me that if he needs me to hold him all day sometimes, I will do that for him. But, I hope that he becomes comfortable enough to explore his world and enjoy it. And, above all, I hope that I will have the patience, wisdom, and physical strength to figure it out with him.
So, here's to an new outlook to *hopefully* have a more patient day tomorrow!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Hypocrisy
So, we all saw this coming, right? I have to rant. So brace yourself, here it comes.
There are so many things that I see wrong with what happened with the election today. First I have to start by explaining the way I vote. I ask that though some of you may strongly disagree with me, please still be my friend. I say that because for some reason people have such a strong reaction to this, even though something worse happened tonight...hypocrisy that we will get to later on. I am a party voter. This doesn't mean that I don't still pay attention to the people running, but 99% of the time I will vote Republican after I make sure that they will represent those conservative beliefs I have. I may not agree with everything that a Republican candidate stands for, but I will agree with a whole lot more with that candidate than a Democrat. Also, whatever party the elected official represents gains more power overall, which will further a cause that I will not agree with if it is a Democrat. A candidate may be a more "moderate" Democrat, but the more liberal ones will gain power from that "moderate" candidate. Anyway, that is why I vote the way I do. Don't hate me...
I was watching Fox News when they were talking about Obama winning. They were postulating about what Obama will do, stand for, push for, etc as President. They were almost joking about how no one really knows what Obama stands for "but we like him anyway." Are you kidding me?!? You are okay with electing a President that no one knows how he will govern? Wow. And that is better than voting for a party with good, strong values. Wow.
Next, I have another bone to pick. The media. Why are they so liberal? They elected Obama. They really never said anything negative about him. But who is he? That didn't matter. The fact that he is a new comer to politics with very little experience was nothing to them. He was who they chose to elect. But, Sarah Palin, a new comer too, was fed to the wolves so to speak. Her "inexperience" was apparently unforgivable, while Obama's was endearing - an outsider who will change Washington.
After saying all this, you might be surprised to know that I really am more moderate that I seem. In my time actively working in the Republican party I realized that I wasn't as strictly conservative as a lot of those around me. I do believe that there are times and cases when welfare is needed - correctly administered and run - and when the government can do things better. But I am worried, at the same time, about a government that is too big, too invasive, and too distrusting of our ability to make our own decisions for us and our families. I am worried that we will be seen as an easy target now to terrorists and other countries. But, I have hope that when we all learn what it is - besides "change" - that Obama stands for, that it will leave our country better, safer, and stronger.
There are so many things that I see wrong with what happened with the election today. First I have to start by explaining the way I vote. I ask that though some of you may strongly disagree with me, please still be my friend. I say that because for some reason people have such a strong reaction to this, even though something worse happened tonight...hypocrisy that we will get to later on. I am a party voter. This doesn't mean that I don't still pay attention to the people running, but 99% of the time I will vote Republican after I make sure that they will represent those conservative beliefs I have. I may not agree with everything that a Republican candidate stands for, but I will agree with a whole lot more with that candidate than a Democrat. Also, whatever party the elected official represents gains more power overall, which will further a cause that I will not agree with if it is a Democrat. A candidate may be a more "moderate" Democrat, but the more liberal ones will gain power from that "moderate" candidate. Anyway, that is why I vote the way I do. Don't hate me...
I was watching Fox News when they were talking about Obama winning. They were postulating about what Obama will do, stand for, push for, etc as President. They were almost joking about how no one really knows what Obama stands for "but we like him anyway." Are you kidding me?!? You are okay with electing a President that no one knows how he will govern? Wow. And that is better than voting for a party with good, strong values. Wow.
Next, I have another bone to pick. The media. Why are they so liberal? They elected Obama. They really never said anything negative about him. But who is he? That didn't matter. The fact that he is a new comer to politics with very little experience was nothing to them. He was who they chose to elect. But, Sarah Palin, a new comer too, was fed to the wolves so to speak. Her "inexperience" was apparently unforgivable, while Obama's was endearing - an outsider who will change Washington.
After saying all this, you might be surprised to know that I really am more moderate that I seem. In my time actively working in the Republican party I realized that I wasn't as strictly conservative as a lot of those around me. I do believe that there are times and cases when welfare is needed - correctly administered and run - and when the government can do things better. But I am worried, at the same time, about a government that is too big, too invasive, and too distrusting of our ability to make our own decisions for us and our families. I am worried that we will be seen as an easy target now to terrorists and other countries. But, I have hope that when we all learn what it is - besides "change" - that Obama stands for, that it will leave our country better, safer, and stronger.
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